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put your razor where your Bush is!


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One night at Dunkin Donuts, circa 1992, my pal Jeff stretched and had his t-shirt ride up, exposing his seemingly bottomless belly button. With a perfectly executed toss (accompanied by a karate-ish yell), I threw a quarter across the table and lodged it squarely in his belly button.

 

True story.

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He got the Star Wars sheets, I got the internet. Now we shall never mention him again.

 

'butt-pee'

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It was one hundred degrees, as we sat beneath a willow tree,

Whose tears didn't care, they just hung in the air, and refused to fall, to fall.

 

And I knew I'd made horrible call,

And now the state line felt like the Berlin wall,

And there was no doubt about which side I was on.

 

Cause I built you a home in my heart,

With rotten wood, meant to cave from the start.

 

Cause you can't find nothing at all,

If there was nothing there all along.

No you can't find nothing at all,

If there was nothing there all along.

 

I braved treacherous streets,

And kids strung out on homemade speed.

And we shared a bed in which I could not sleep,

At all, woo, hoo, woo, hooOoOo.

 

Cause at night the sun in retreat,

Made the skyline look like crooked teeth,

In the mouth of a man who was devouring, us both.

 

You're so cute when you're slurring your speech,

But they're closing the bar and they want us to leave.

 

And you can't find nothing at all,

If there was nothing there all along.

No you can't find nothing at all,

If there was nothing there all along.

 

I'm a war of head versus heart,

And it's always this way.

My head is weak, my heart always speaks,

Before I know what it will say.

 

And you can't find nothing at all,

If there was nothing there all along

there were churches, theme parks and malls,

but there was nothing there all along

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