Mr. Heartbreak Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 Okay, so I know there are plenty of pinheads on the internet, but this takes the cake. I was scrolling through some reviews for Coltrane and Monk, when I came across this total maroon who thought they both sucked (but Kenny G is da bomb! ). Just for fun, I started to read his other reviews, and came across this comedy gold: * Abbey Road? More like Abbeystupid Road, October 16, 2004I heard the Beatles album "Rubber Soul", the one with their one hit "Norwegian Wood". That song was good and the other filler songs were...eh...(flipping my hand around like to say "ehhhh", you know?)...I always saw these guys as a one hit wonder. But someone said, "You gotta hear 'Abbey Road' by them." And, I was like. Okay. Apparently this band was an influence for great bands like Herman's Hermits and New Order and stuff, so, I thought, okay...if I can find it, i'"ll chekc it out. I found it. Checked it out. Uh...Ever heard of a word called "Porduction", lads? They...I don't know when one song ends and the other stops. They have different lead singers for every song. The songs have no thru line or melody to speak of. I see here that some people gave this thing 5 stars. Hello! What? There's a reason you never hear of these guys any more. They're probably all living in a shack trying to live on their little checks for "Norwegian" Wood. His name is D.N. Voetberg, and his Rubber Soul review is even better than that. His insightful comments can be found here: http://www.amazon.com/gp/cdp/member-review...blic&page=1 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
a.miller Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 This has got to be a joke... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
aricandover Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 This has got to be a joke... this might be my favorite: As for Mr. Coltrane, he follows no form (and, therefore, to my opinion, no function). I play saxophone and when, like me, you've listened for many years to such great musicians as Kenny G. and even others, you begin to truly know good music. So, even if you do like Mr. Coltrane, you should trust me when I say he is not good, and you should begin to dislike him immediately. Trilling willy nilly does not a good saxophone player make. Nor does jogging everyday. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Atticus Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 that's got to be a joke. (either way, thanks for posting it, I'm still laughing). reminds me of a situation involving one of my best friends from law school, who wrote a pocket idiot's guide to tailgating. His friends and family went on amazon and posted the craziest stuff. if you're bored, check it out at: amazon customer reviews Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Atticus Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 you can't ignore this gem: James Earl Jones Reads the Bible-KJV-New Testament by James Earl JonesEdition: Audio CD Price: $22.04 Availability: Usually ships in 24 hours 31 used & new from $16.99 2 of 8 people found the following review helpful: He not only read it, he reads it aloud!, February 17, 2006The Bible is probably one of the most famous sci-fi novels of all time. It's probably 150-200 years old and peolple (people) still freak over it like they did when MASH had that last episode. There's all kinds of fan clubs and everything even though it's all old. (Talking about the Bible still.) But I dont' get it, yo. It's mostly about some guy who goes nuts and thinks he's the son of God. And there are no real creatures or monsters. Just like a devil, some gays, and a cyclops. Now even though it's not music, James Earl Jone's reading the Bible...you treat it like it's a music CD even though it's not music, just put it in a CD player or something else that plays CDs and press Play, or a button that says something like "Play." (What sucks though is that in most copies of the Bible I've seen there's some ribbon you use to mark what page you're on. This CD doesn't have that, so you have to mark your spot with a piece of paper or, less advisably, a piece of toast or something.) Anyways, when James Earl Jones (as I like to calll him) reads "I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me." I just not sure like hearing Darth Vader say something so woosy. And, later, in this part where he's sayin' who's the son of who and all that, Lord Vader actually sighs and says "yada yada" a few times. That's kinda cool. And there's the part about the main character, Jesus, who turns water into wine. I guess that was cool to Bible fans back in the old days, but anyone can do that now, so it's sort of like eh...who cares. But, hey, all and all it's alright. Its stood the test of time, I mean my grandma's still a fan of this thing, the pope is apparently like a huge fan... I don't know..will Lord of the Rings or Fantastic Four and all them stand the test of time? Or won't they stand the test of time? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Atticus Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 here's one for the brian wilson fans: 3 of 25 people found the following review helpful: Praise Brian Wilson for He Hath Given To Us "Smile", October 11, 2004 "Smile" the latest masterwork from Brian Wilson, the genius behind "Kokomo" and other Beach Boys songs, is more than music, more than a filigree of shimmering melodies and sumptuous lyrics. It's a Great event, a moment foretold, I believe, by Nostradamus. In his Century XI prophecy, Nostradamus states: "One of the new Land shall upon 500 years after its founding bequeath to the people a Disk upon which shall Reside melodies deliberated upon for naih two score years. He who composes said melodies shall be knowne for having rendered Lifee ever so slightly more tolerable as the Hammer of the third Antichrist demolishes with untold horrors and torture." The only reason I give this four instead of five stars is that I like the older version of "Good Vibrations" better than the one here. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
a.miller Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 3 of 25 people found the following review helpful:Is it funnier that this guy has the worst reviews ever or that 3 people actually found the review to be helpful? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Atticus Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I'm sorry, last one, I just can't help it. I am unable to get anything done at work now that I've discovered this. enjoy: Franz Ferdinand ~ Franz Ferdinand 3 of 10 people found the following review helpful: Can't Wait to Hear What They Do Next, July 14, 2004 I bought this months ago and still can't stop listening to it. There's not one song that shouldn't be a classic. Also, I would like to respond to Adrian from NJ (whatever that stands for) and his review of 26 May, 2004. He criticized my review of 25 April, 2004. He seems to think that my review is somehow invalid just because most of the facts I refer to are wrong. Okay, you're right. The Beatles were quite a good group. I didn't realize that they were the ones who did some of those songs I've heard alot but didn't know the artists of. An example of what I just said is that I didn't know that The Beatles did "Hey, Jude" which I always loved (as a song). But, I didn't bet you didn't know that Led Zeppelin didn't do "Paranoid" and that it was, in fact, another English band called The Black Sabbaths. We all know some things and don't know other things. That's what makes life rich, Adrian. And perhaps the lead singer of Joy Division was not dismissed as much as he committed suicide (if you call hanging oneself suicide). But, this I'm right about: Franz Ferdinand is a person, not a band. Look at the name! It's a first and last name! Why would a band have one person's name? So, they could get on planes with only having to buy one ticket? I think they're too rich at this point to worry about that. And, what would happen when they actually had to sit down in the plane? No attendant is going to let the rest of the "band" stand the whole flight. And, M.C. Mobbs, who also attacked me with his criticism in his review of 29 April, 2004, stated that you can tell Mr. Ferdinand is a band because there are pictures of the four (4) band members in the compact disc packaging. Uh...Not exactly, Mr/Ms/Mx Mobbs: I only see a picture of one hip-looking youngster feeding his horse. Both of these attackers also saw fit to criticise me for informing my public that CD stands for compact disc. They think it's obvious. Well, in case you didn't know, CD also often means Certificate of Deposit. I see no reason not to clarify. Why? Why am I attacked by these two (as well, incidentally, as by all my "friends" lately)? I am a great reviewer! I have a lot of reviews published in Amazon! I've never had a rejected review! I work soooooo hard for those of you who don't know good music! I try to teach you, but you just attack and bite. Stop biting me! It hurst!!! Aaaaaaaah! Why???? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Gobias Industries Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 i like how he gave 50 Cent's The Massacre 5 Stars. And accused the New Pornographers of selling out. It gave me a good laugh. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tweedy's Gurl Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 this is awesome: (re: Rubber Soul) "And there's this crazy Indiany music on this one too. Hey, Beatles! You're American, use American instruments! " Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tweedy's Gurl Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 i'm also digging on his description of the bible as his 'favorite sci-fi book'. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bjorn_skurj Posted July 13, 2006 Share Posted July 13, 2006 I hope this guy finds a better outlet than amazon.com, but hell, amazon.com might be the best outlet these days. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Albert Tatlock Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Good stuff I like the subversiveness of it all. Amazon anarchy! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
wheelco Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Good stuff I like the subversiveness of it all. Amazon anarchy!yep, amateur internet comedians at their lowly finest! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
quarter23cd Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 "Porduction" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Heartbreak Posted July 14, 2006 Author Share Posted July 14, 2006 Maybe I'm gullible, but I think he's for real, and is just a moron. Now that guy baab or whatever in the "Just A Fan" forum, I'm not so sure about... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tweedy's Gurl Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 i really think it's a joke...i thought it was for real at first...but the more of his stuff you read, the more obvious it is that he actually might know what he's talking about and is just doing it to screw with people. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bedbug Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 Guys, I think his review of The Washington Manual Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Edie Posted July 14, 2006 Share Posted July 14, 2006 I think it's El FAMOUS. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
miss jayne Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 I think it's El FAMOUS. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HighFives Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 man it has to be a joke calling the bible a sci fi book, no one is that stupid. Unless ofcourse he has done syndrome. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
TheMaker Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 I very seriously refer to the Bible as a pack of fairy tales. Does that mean I have done syndrome? Oh no! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Basil II Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 I very seriously refer to the Bible as a pack of fairy tales. Does that mean I have done syndrome? Oh no! OK!!! You are done gone!!! --Robert. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mountain bed Posted July 15, 2006 Share Posted July 15, 2006 I very seriously refer to the Bible as a pack of fairy tales.Does it really matter if they're true or not?? There are things there that are good examples of a way to be a good human being...just as there are in the Koran,the ancient Hindu & Buddhist texts,etc..Imo,take what resonates with you from each & create your own cosmology! btw,Alan Watts is DA MAN Scott Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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