Albert Tatlock Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Number 7 hit home 1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work. 2, CALLING SOMEONE 'SON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the man. 3, DOING A PROPER SLIDE TACKLE - Beckham free kicks? Gay. A Stuart Pearce tackle is the pinnacle of the game, simultaneously winning the ball and crippling the man. Magic. 4, SHARPENING A PENCIL WITH A STANLEY KNIFE - Blunt, is it? Hand it here love. No, I don't need a sharpener, you think I can't whittle. 5, GOING TO THE TIP - A manly act which combines driving, lifting and - as you thrillingly drop your rubbish into another huge pile of other rubbish - noisy destruction. 6, DRINKING UP - Specifically, rising from the table, slinging your coat on and downing two thirds of a pint in one fluid movement. Then nodding towards the door, saying, "Let's go" and striding out while everyone else struggles to catch up with you. God, you're hard. 7, HAVING A THIN BIT OF WOOD - in the shed, solely to stir paint with. 8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah". 9, HAVING A HANGOVER AND THICK STUBBLE - When birds have been partying they just whinge. You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like. 10, NODDING AT COPPERS - A moments eye contact is all it takes for you to share the unspoken bond. "We've not seen eye to eye in the past", it says, "but someone's got to keep the little scrotes in line". 11, USING POWER TOOLS - slightly more powerful than you need or can safely handle. One Handed with a pencil on the ear? Superb. 12, KICKING A FOOTY AGAINST A GARAGE DOOR - Clang-g-g-g-g-g-! Stitch that Becks, I kick so hard I set off car alarms. 13, ARRIVING IN A PUB LATE... and everyone cheers you. It doesn't mean you're popular, it just means your mates are pi55ed. However, the rest of the pub doesn't know that. 14, NOT WATCHING YOUR WEIGHT - fat is a feminist issue, apparently. Brilliant. Pass the pork scratchings. 15, CARVING THE ROAST - and saying "are you a leg or breast man" to the blokes and "do you want stuffing" to the women. Congratulations, you are now your dad. 16, WINKING - turns women to putty. Doesn't it? 17, TEST SWINGING HAMMERS - ideally, B&Q would have little changing rooms with mirrors so you could see how rugged you look with any DIY item. Until then, we'll make do with the aisles. 18, TAKING OUT Quote Link to post Share on other sites
c53x12 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 That is the gayest-sounding list of manly things ever. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
embiggen Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 8, HAVING A SCAR - Ideally it'll be a facial knife wound, but even an iron burn on the wrist is good. "Ooh, did it hurt". "Nah". yeah, my scars make me feel pretty manly. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MrRain422 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 That is the gayest-sounding list of manly things ever. That's 'cause its all British and shit. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
c53x12 Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 You, on the other hand have physical evidence of your hardness, sprouting from your face. "Big night?" Grr, what does it look like. Seriously, could this be any gayer? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Albert Tatlock Posted July 27, 2006 Author Share Posted July 27, 2006 "ironic" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spawn's dad Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I'm not sure how anyone can say 'loo' and expect to maintain their tenuous hold on manhood Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ction Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I'm not sure how anyone can say 'loo' and expect to maintain their tenuous hold on manhood Anti Anglo-Saxonite. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
viatroy Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 2. CALLING SOMEONE 'HON' - Especially policeman but even saying it to kids makes you the woman. I never thought I'd be this person. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ction Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Are you from Baltimore? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
viatroy Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 no hon. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EL the Famous Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I don't know about how manly these things make me feel, but at least half of those I use as slang for various sex acts. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
viatroy Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 "parallel parking" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cryptique Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I don't know about how manly these things make me feel, but at least half of those I use as slang for various sex acts."Phone calls that last less than a minute" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ction Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 "carving the roast" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cryptique Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 "nodding at coppers" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ction Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 "calling someone son" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
viatroy Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 keep it clean, hon Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lammycat Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 I usually feel like a man when I use my penis to have sex with a female. Sometimes I feel like a pest, too, though. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pillowy star Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 1, OPENING JARS - nnng, she's struggling. You take it from her hands, open it effortlessly and pretend she loosened it for you. She didn't. Jars are men's work. I strongly disagree. In our family, my Mum and I are the ones for jars. If my Dad (bodybuilder, over 6 ft and easily carrying weights of more than 100 kg) and my fiance can't open them, Mum and I certainly can. Don't know why though, must be in the wrists somehow. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cryptique Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 "knowing which screwdriver is which" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EL the Famous Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 'GOING TO THE TIP' Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Welsh Rich Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 Made up spit my tea over my monitor... thanks Andrew Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Duck-Billed Catechist Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 That is the gayest-sounding list of manly things ever.Seriously, could this be any gayer?I wonder what kind Lance Bass uses.On the gay tip this morning, are we? Well, no wonder. http://redshift.isgay.com/ Not that there's anything wrong with that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
embiggen Posted July 27, 2006 Share Posted July 27, 2006 On the gay tip this morning, are we? Well, no wonder. http://redshift.isgay.com/ Not that there's anything wrong with that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.