Roommate Question

[Guest Speed Racer]

Turns out this whole thread is just a viral ad for Honda. Oh, Speed Racer.

 

Nono, Speed Racer would get more traction in the snow walking on greased cling-wrap than driving my Civic, but I could spin for centuries before running out of gas.

 

And I'm currently employing the toothbrush tactic in response to her apparent inability to wash the bathroom.

[Sir Stewart]

And I'm currently employing the toothbrush tactic in response to her apparent inability to wash the bathroom.

Don't forget to take Polaroids and mail them to her.

[jff]

Having read through this thread, it appears that you bring the following to the household:

 

Chair

Table

Car

Stereo

Pan

 

And here is what your roommate brings to the household:

 

Plate

Rug

[Guest Speed Racer]

Ha! The stereo is hers. The turntable is mine.

 

We actually compliment each other quite nicely in that without me, she would eat raw food on a plate, and without her I would be eating out of pots and pans with my fingers. Without me we would probably have a third roommate growing in our bathroom, but we would be able to see it coming because she bought lightbulbs yesterday.

[ponch1028]

I'm glad you have a great sense of humor about it (given how you have responded to the majority of the posts being playful and only a few giving you actual, practical advice). Kudos for wanting to become more assertive, which is really the key here, because no matter how this scenario plays out with your current (or soon-to-be former) roommate, if you don't change to some degree, the same scenario is probably going to surface again at a later time with a different person.

 

Personally, I'd compile all the logical and rationale reasons of why you have to directly address this with her (liability, trust, boundaries, parents, and others that have been mentioned here) and tell them to her. From my perspective, at this point, it's more about you gaining peace of mind than it is about how she'll respond. It sounds like you are a very accomodating and generous person, so I'm not concerned about you bullying her or speaking to her in a condescending manner. Your roommate doesn't sound mean or uncaring or rude per se. Rather, she sounds like the majority of people I know who just needs others to define the boundaries and point out when they've been crossed. Perhaps I'm reading her wrong (perhaps I'm reading you wrong).

 

If she's a friend worth keeping (and to her, if you're a friend worth keeping), she'll be more concerned about your anxiety and peace of mind than her own pride if it's hurt. She may get defensive (most of us do as a natural, immediate reaction), but allow her to hopefully gain your perspective over a day or two if that's her first gut reaction. If after that, things seem weird, awkward or she's hurt, revisit the issue and allow her to speak her peace. Depending on how she responds, you may have to revoke all of her driving privileges, which at that point (as others have pointed out), I'd probably be looking for different living arrangements.

 

It's a tough call when one party has overstepped reasonable boundaries but the other party is passive. I hope it works itself out well and you become more assertive and confident in the process.

 

Blessings.