poppydawn

I also had a close but no cigar encounter with Venusstopsthetrain2....does she really exist??

She's stealthy, that one.

I realized yesterday that, had I been thinking, I might have been able to meet Rosie a few days ago. We stopped in Marion, IL, on our way home from the Nashville show.

Not to be overly dramatic and not to project anything that may or may not exist...but Jay's dismissal takes a new perspective when considering this...

That thought occurred to me when I was writing that last post, actually.

Remember the scene in "I Am Trying to Break Your Heart" where Jeff and Jay are arguing over the transition from "Ashes of American Flags" and "Heavy Metal Drummer"? I know that living those scenarios day in and day out would leave me pretty fucked up.

 

 

His comment about being lucky that he didn't have to cut anyone out of his life was an eye-opener for me--I had never considered that part of the struggle with addiction. I can't even imagine how much better things are for him and his family now.

I read something recently where he talked about how his mood disorders and addiction affected his parenting. So sad, but great that he got help while his kids were still young. My daughter was a huge motivator for me to get help.

While I haven't dealt with addiction, I've had to cut people out of my life because of the anxiety and panic. People who are mentally unhealthy tend to attract other mentally unhealthy people. As I started healing, I could see that some of the people in my life weren't supportive, or made it far too easy for me to backslide into my old ways. I hated to do it, but I had to end quite a few friendships. The upswing is, the friends I have now are healthy, supportive, loving and they don't suck every single drop of emotional energy out of me. It's given me a low tolerance for suffering fools, which is a sweet bonus. A lot of my anxiety stemmed from people-pleasing tendencies. Now that I don't care who I piss off, I'm much happier and healthier.

Were you wearing the skirt from that picture? That might explain it.

Even if I had been wearing The Tent, she wouldn't have seen it because, 1) the balcony railing blocked my lower half when I was standing, 2) I quickly got on my knees so I could hear her better, and 3) the skirt would have fallen off many, many hours earlier.

Kate and Kim, I'm not sure I can be friends with people who would voluntarily go past Mars' Cheese Castle and not pay them a visit. I question your judgment and good taste. Like, you might have some of both, and that might be incompatible with my personality.

I hung out with Elixir Sue and the Dude last weekend, and had a brief, albeit funny, encounter with SarahC. I was hanging over the balcony at the Ryman, checking out the stage, when she happened to run by on the floor. She looked up, yelled my name a few times, and we had a brief conversation. I was stunned that she recognized me!

I almost met VenusStopstheTrain2 last week, but weather and my poor planning threw monkey wrenches all over the place.

Will this event include running/biking/and/or swimming to Mars' Cheese Castle? If so, I'm really, really in.

(In all seriousness, I think I can probably come up that weekend for moral support and such. I also kick ass at fundraising.)

Can my 7 year old join them? She's in training for knowing everything as a teen. Then there is my 4 year old, the "high spirited" one, I think I may be joining your reading group if I may, poppydawn/reni/donna!

Maybe we should get our 4-year-olds together and see if we can somehow harness their "spiritedness" for our own benefit.

I finished Tom Perrotta's "Little Children" last night, which was excellent. And really? Good fiction for a frustrated parent. Well-written, excellent storytelling, and damn, did I relate to the characters.

And now I'm finally dipping into this:

All the editorial talk is giving me a panic attack.

Not to mention those who posted thoughtful responses here - I can honestly say I didn't realize anxiety/panic disorder and migraines were so common.

It's surprisingly common, but there's still some stigma that keeps a lot of people from talking about it. Anxiety and panic can make one feel crazy and stupid, so it's hard to come forward. There's also the cycle of fear - fear of coming forward about how much fear you feel.

Misdiagnosis is really common, too. The physical effects of panic and anxiety mimic so many other conditions. A lot of people wind up in the ER with panic attacks, thinking they're having a heart attack. That happened to me a few years ago, and recently happened to a good friend of mine.

In recent weeks/months I have suffered my first significant recurrence of my general anxiety/panic in years. Upon reflection, I shouldn't be too surprised to see it rearing its head into my life again since, given certain circumstances in my life, I've been kind of running myself into the ground and not taking very good care of myself--so I've run into a number of ailments recently, both ones with physical roots and others that are products of the anxiety. And the bitch of it has been sorting out which is which. I'm a few years older and the symptoms of the anxiety manifest themselves in different ways and they react differently than they used to to treatment, so it can be pretty humbling to find yourself suddenly back at square one, freaked out and not knowing where to begin.

I hope you're able to get back on track quickly. Relapses can be so scary and disappointing. Please take care of yourself.

I'm not as anti-medication as some people you'll meet. I think it does have its place in treatment--if nothing else, it allows people to function in their daily lives (who otherwise maybe couldn't)--because who really has the luxury of dropping out of their lives and going to meditate on a mountaintop until they get their shit together?

Exactly. I think it's also important to know if the panic and anxiety are based from external factors and learning techniques to cope with them, or if there is a chemical factor. In my case, there's a definite chemical link. I went through cognitive behavioral therapy to learn the coping techniques, and I'll probably be on medication (low doses of Prozac and Klonopin) until at least menopause since my conditions have been linked to a hormone imbalance. I'm really lucky to have a fantastic doctor who has been willing to find out why I have these problems, instead of simply writing a prescription and sending me on my way. That's what scares me - too many doctors are willing to treat the symptoms without digging deeper. Jeff's words about quack doctors ... too true. There are a lot of them, and when you're panicking, it's hard to take the time to find one who will provide proper treatment.

Jeff doesn't post because people would just criticize the writing style he uses in his posts.

My friends have dubbed the book "Beating Your Spirited Child Into Submission".

So far I'm getting a lot of the same things from the book that you mentioned, Donna, which is exactly what I've needed. For one thing, I'm seeing a lot of myself as a kid in it and getting some insight into what my parents did right and what they could have done better. If nothing else it's making me more empathetic to what's going through the little hurricane's mind at any given time. I'm too close to the situation, and too much like her, so get the obvious things like that. I need to be hit over the head occasionally. With a book.

Maybe they should right a partner book called "Beating Your Spirited Mother Into Submission". Now that I think of it, though, the kid's already got that down-pat!

It's my plain ol' standard user name for everything, which I made up back in 1996 or so. Poppy for my favorite flower; I have two of them tattooed on my left arm and was once given the scenario of how, when I'm old, it will work against me when I'm in a nursing home. Something about orderlies yelling, "Old lady Poppy's pooped herself again!"

Dawn is my middle name.

My cousin set up my blog right after my daughter was born. I couldn't be bothered to pick a domain name, so she used Poppymom. I wish she'd stuck with the original, but that's okay.

Having suffered with chronic depression and occasional panic disorder (never migraines), this post was right on the mark for me. And reminded me of all the reasons SBS transported me into a better place in life last summer.

 

Either way, the next time you feel compelled to diss Sky Blue Sky, try re-reading that article. I would hate for anyone to have to walk a mile in Jeff's (old) shoes. And I mean that sincerely.

I think this is why I'm in the pro-SBS camp; when compared to their other albums, this one seems to have come from a more mentally healthy person. "Either Way" and "You are My Face" especially. Anyone who's went through the recovery process for panic disorder has lived both of those songs.

Likewise, they've lived "Hell is Chrome", and it's beautiful and chilling and has also left me choked up many times.

Teacheringstone, have I mentioned how much I adore you?

I noticed Jeff talks a lot in the article about self-observations and a lot of what he figured out about his issues came from his own reasoning, and also how less-than-competent doctors can sometimes make matters worse by misdiagnoses or medicating when maybe medication isn't quite correct. Does anyone know of a public forum anywhere online where people can share their observations and their issues and maybe seek help from others with similar conditions? I feel like this is a really positive way to deal with things. Just having a way to relate to others and learn from people with similar problems sounds really helpful.

I know there's a lot of boards pertaining to depression and anxiety. This is more from the pharmacological standpoint, but I like Crazy Meds. Very informative, entertaining and good for seeing how others deal with these conditions.

It was through some things I read on that site that I realized I was having a really adverse reaction to an antidepressant about two years ago. I was able to get in touch with my doctor before things got too out of hand, but that wouldn't have been the case had I not been following the Crazy Meds forums.

That article alone was better than "Learning How To Die". My Doc once asked me what I would do if these feelings never went away?

I think we have the same doc, as I've been asked that same question. At the time, my answer was pretty fucking ugly.

And you know what, they don't, you learn to deal and cope. I will admit that I have relapsed in the last several years, but not as frequent and every day is getting better. This article made me feel really good. And congrats to our brother man Jeff! Your one strong trooper!

Yessir!

I'm really glad he opened up about what happened four years ago. About a year after Jeff's hospitalization, I hit a huge wall with my own panic and anxiety disorders. Cheesy as it may sound, it was "YHF" and "AGIB" that gave me some insight into what was going on in my brain while I went through the horribly rough process of therapy. Songs like "War on War", "Less Than You Think", "Ashes of American Flags" articulated so much of what I was feeling, and where my head was. Panic and anxiety can be so lonely and isolating, and can make the sufferer feel like such a loser and freak. Those songs gave me something to which I could relate.

I'm glad to see this update. Jeff's obviously progressed. I've progressed.

My daughter had her 4-year check-up today. Her doctor said that she's showing signs of having an "anxious" personality. While I'm not thrilled with this news, I know that there's a good chance she won't go through the same degree of crazy I did because of the advances that have been made in knowing how the brain works. I hope that I'm able to parent her in a way that makes it easier for her to cope. I didn't gain those skills until I was in my 30s.

It's my Basset hound, Chloe, playing in the snow.

"Raising the Spirited Child". It seemed like a more positive option than the book next to it: "Taming Your Spirited Child".

I'll be there!

I'll echo Lauren's sentiment that it's so different for everyone. I rarely notice the day that would have been my grandmother's birthday, only because she died the day before my 19th birthday. Every year since then, the day before my birthday was the day I thought of her and tended towards sadness. This past year - 16 years later - was the first year where the anniversary of her death wasn't a big thought. The day was almost over before I realized it.

I had always wondered if she died on Oct. 21 because it would ensure that I would never, ever forget her. This past year I realized that it's just a date, and just an unfortunate coincidence. At least for me. This was also the first year I've been able to enjoy my own birthday without this nagging sadness in the back of my head.

Oh God. That's horrible.

It just about does me in to know about kids going through shit like this.

You know what's weird? Nobody took/ripped my wife's or my tickets when we walked in. There was nobody at the front door, and nobody at the inner doors to get into the theater, nowhere. We could have just walked in without tickets and gone right in.

I thought that was weird, too, in a very sweet, trusting way. The only time anyone looked at our tickets was when we got to our section.

We stopped by Hatch Show Prints on Broadway before leaving town today. I was talking to one of the employees, mentioned how much I loved last night's print, and I got to meet the artist. Very sweet kid; he couldn't have been more than 21, 22 years old. I was wishing I'd left the print in my purse so he could sign it next to Jeff's autograph.

Darkstar, I let my husband spend money at Gruhn's. He bought a beautiful leather guitar strap made in Franklin. Absolutely perfect souvenir!

Amazing show. This was only my second time seeing Wilco. I'm certainly a latecomer to the whole Wilco scene but now as a 30-year-old they are the only band that makes me feel as excited about music as I was 15+ years ago.

My husband says the same thing. He lost interest in music several years ago. I took him to a Wilco show last September, and he's rediscovered his love of music. It's great!

Misunderstood - Tweedy tapped into something that pushed this song to borderline eerie. The ghostly-white spot light on his face - that reminded me of flashlights and campfires - firmly established the atmosphere of the disconcerting message of the song. I can't wait to see/hear this performance again.

That was a highlight for me, too. Standing in the balcony, if felt like the music was moving through my feet and blasting up to the top of my head.

- Pat's guitar strap fell off on Handshake Drugs, I believe. It was great to see the guitar tech come out and fix it...Pat's such a rock star. His usual posing and strutting on I Got You and Monday just added flame to the 70's rock star fire, although I didn't see any Townsend windmills.

I've seen him windmill! I think it was in Kansas City last fall. With all of his strutting, we refer to him as Baby Jagger.

But I just can't understand some people. We made our way outside and there was some guy sitting on the steps talking on his cell. He was really upset, telling his friend how horrible the set list was and that the performances were total shite. What? I certainly hope he was talking about some other show because he couldn't possibly have been talking about one of the best concerts I've ever seen.

...I just don't get some people.

Maybe he had wandered down from the Guns n' Roses cover band playing at Tootsie's.

I was in 12, I did see you, well thought it was you anyways and then when you posted about hollering down over the railing before the show I knew it was...I was gonna go over and say Hi but I wasn't sure and didn't wanna just go over and say hey are you poppy? I was off to your left in 12 row F wearing the black hoodie and the red sox hat. I saw you and your husband walk in....there was like 15 people in the balcony at that point. Shoulda said Hi I guess but like I said, wasn't sure......

I wish you had! You could have joined us at Roberts Western World after the show!

Believe me, if you see someone in a crowd who you think might be me, it's probably me. I stand out a little.

When we were walking out, I thought about using my general tactic for finding internet people in a crowd: I damn near yelled "Darkstar!" to see if anyone answered.

Ah well. I'm sure we'll be back soon. We kind of fell in love with this city.

You guys get to Gruhn's?

Not yet. They were closed by the time we got to Broadway on Saturday. Brian rubbed his face on the windows, and possibly licked them, when we were on Broadway Saturday night. We're going tomorrow before we leave town.

Saturday we had dinner at Jack's, then spent most of the night at Roberts. We also hit the Ernest Tubb Record Shop, where I went a bit hog wild.

Sunday, we had Pie Pantry for breakfast, hit the Hall of Fame (loved it!), had dinner at Demo's with Elixir Sue and Dude, followed by the show and more Roberts.

Monday, it's Hatch Show Prints, Gruhn's, and on the road to pick up our dogs by 6 PM.

We had a blast meeting you guys, too! Definitely the perfect touch to a perfect weekend.

Yeah, one of the video tapers asked if she could film me and my girlfriend as we were sitting outside before the show....when she was done I asked her what was up....she said they are filming a documentary of this tour and it should (her words) be out in a year or so.

Awesome!

Weren't you in section 11 of the balcony? I kept looking for you, although I had no idea what to look for!

man alive.

That pretty much sums up the whole show.

I should sleep. Can't.