Answer Me This

[barbkm]

Most of the time these people are GREAT -- that's why it's so aggravating that they are not listening to my request, and not seeing how important my niece's event is. Amd it does concern me that -- in our late 30s and early 40s, some equate drunk with fun.

 

We've all be friends for 10 years, so I'm not interested in new ones, just want a little respect.

 

I think the route is have a few beers, then demurely decline shots & wine -- which leads to migraines. And find an ally.

 

Thanks for all the ideas -- and the nice words about my niece.

[The Inside of Outside]

1. Get hammered

2. Wake and bake

This cracks me up! Only she is turning 40, not 20. There once was a time for this, but thankfully not at 40.

 

I don't think you need to find new friends though. Life shouldn't revolve around alcohol, but I can certainly understand your friends wanting to get fucked up with you on your 40th birthday. They're not bad friends for that. They will be bad friends if they don't respect your decision to just have a few.

Well said.

 

Most of the time these people are GREAT -- that's why it's so aggravating that they are not listening to my request, and not seeing how important my niece's event is. Amd it does concern me that -- in our late 30s and early 40s, some equate drunk with fun.

 

We've all be friends for 10 years, so I'm not interested in new ones, just want a little respect.

 

I think the route is have a few beers, then demurely decline shots & wine -- which leads to migraines. And find an ally.

 

Thanks for all the ideas -- and the nice words about my niece.

Glad you got some ideas, and sounds like your niece is doing a good deed.

[Beltmann]

I also think it's sorta creepy that everyone is piling on with the "find new friends" frenzy. Jeez. Sure, perhaps B's friends could use a dose of 'WTF why do we need to be plastered?' but this thread is using bobblehead's quote like it's a hard truth. It's not so black/white.

We are so over.

[jenbobblehead]

i was actually making a kind of joke from the relationship/family thread.

[LouieB]

i was actually making a kind of joke from the relationship/family thread.

Yea, after that entire dust-up I am surprised anyone comes and asks advice here. I am still having nightmares about that other thread.

 

LouieB

[Guest Ordinary Beehive]

Yea, after that entire dust-up I am surprised anyone comes and asks advice here. I am still having nightmares about that other thread.

 

LouieB

 

No one is specifically asking for your advice, so maybe you should just stay out of any "advice" thread. And while you seem to think that thread was a nightmare (just because your advice was terrible and you got called out on it) doesn't mean it it was. I got a lot of really good advice from people on here that helped me work towards solving my issue.

 

All of the "you need to find new friends" comments are very similar to the "dump her" comments. They are just not useful to Barb. I hope she can ignore them better than I ignored them.

[caliber66]

No one is specifically asking for your advice, so maybe you should just stay out of any "advice" thread. And while you seem to think that thread was a nightmare (just because your advice was terrible and you got called out on it) doesn't mean it it was. I got a lot of really good advice from people on here that helped me work towards solving my issue.

 

All of the "you need to find new friends" comments are very similar to the "dump her" comments. They are just not useful to Barb. I hope she can ignore them better than I ignored them.

Dude, take a deep breath and try not to take everything so seriously.

[Guest Ordinary Beehive]

I'm really not a very serious person, actually. But that dude should just stay out of threads he doesn't like rather than make his little annoying comments.

[caliber66]

There is often value in those "throwaway" responses. Seeing someone's humorous reply to your question can help you to take a step back and look at the problem differently.

[Guest Ordinary Beehive]

I agree with you there.

[Guest Speed Racer]

There is often value in those "throwaway" responses. Seeing someone's humorous reply to your question can help you to take a step back and look at the problem differently.

 

I thought the adjective in bold is what was lacking, myself. In threads where the OP is clearly emotional, I really think you need to make your humor glaringly obvious if you use it at all, otherwise it's easy to sound like an ass. Conversely, it's easy to say something jerky and back-peddle with "OMG it was a joke!" when it blows up in your face.

 

None of this boils down to how we shouldn't post threads asking for advice. We've all posted personal information on this board before, and it is not unreasonable by any means to expect people to act like decent human beings.

 

Save this for the benefit concert.

 

On topic, I'd say that if Barb only takes one piece of advice from this thread, it should be this.

 

Also, I'm impressed that you'll be able to stay up late (pardon me for assuming this isn't some early-bird special you guys are going to) and then driving the next day.

[Guest Jules]

No one is specifically asking for your advice, so maybe you should just stay out of any "advice" thread. And while you seem to think that thread was a nightmare (just because your advice was terrible and you got called out on it) doesn't mean it it was. I got a lot of really good advice from people on here that helped me work towards solving my issue.

 

All of the "you need to find new friends" comments are very similar to the "dump her" comments. They are just not useful to Barb. I hope she can ignore them better than I ignored them.

you break up with that chick yet?

[caliber66]

None of this boils down to how we shouldn't post threads asking for advice. We've all posted personal information on this board before, and it is not unreasonable by any means to expect people to act like decent human beings.

As far as recognizing the humor, everyone's funny bone is different. And making a joke in an advice thread is not failing to act like a decent human being. Expressing that you hope that poster dies in a fire is.

[Guest Speed Racer]

As far as recognizing the humor, everyone's funny bone is different. And making a joke in an advice thread is not failing to act like a decent human being.

 

If I am asking for advice, "Dump her!" or something to that effect does not immediately strike me as funny, if I do not have an established relationship with the poster. You're right; everyone's funny bone is different. Because of that, if the OP is upset and you are not 100% certain they will laugh at what you posted, and you are not 100% certain that they will not be offended by it, then you shouldn't post a "joke" in the thread.

 

But that's just me.

[Guest Jules]

Because of that, if the OP is upset and you are not 100% certain they will laugh at what you posted, and you are not 100% certain that they will not be offended by it, then you shouldn't post a "joke" in the thread.

Where's the fun in that?

[caliber66]

But that's just me.

Yep.

 

As far as I'm concerned, all responses to the OP in this thread and the relationship advice thread are valid. If I ask the same question as OB did in his relationship thread and half of the first ten responses are "dump her" - joke or not (and it's clear that some posters were serious, based on their later responses) - it's going to make me assess my relationship and try to figure out what I have said that generated their advice to end the relationship. If I decide to take their advice, their posts were helpful. If I decide to attack the problem from another angle, their posts were helpful because they reinforced my decision to try to work it out with my girlfriend.

 

In Barb's case, the semi-serious suggestions that she find new friends are just as helpful. Frankly, I'm as troubled as she is that her friends don't seem to understand how important her niece's benefit is, and if I were in the same situation, I would take a hard look at those friendships. I can't think of any reasonable reason (barring some kind of surprise event that can only happen that night) why they would continue to push her to go out this Friday, and to expect her to get hammered, knowing what her situation is.

 

Regardless, they have both resolved their issues, and we don't need to belabor the point here wrt the humor (or "humor") angle.

[Guest Speed Racer]

As far as I'm concerned, all responses to the OP in this thread and the relationship advice thread are valid. If I ask the same question as OB did in his relationship thread and half of the first ten responses are "dump her" - joke or not (and it's clear that some posters were serious, based on their later responses) - it's going to make me assess my relationship and try to figure out what I have said that generated their advice to end the relationship. If I decide to take their advice, their posts were helpful. If I decide to attack the problem from another angle, their posts were helpful because they reinforced my decision to try to work it out with my girlfriend.

 

I see where you're coming from, and I do agree with that to a large extent - if you receive a quantity of reponses that you weren't expecting, chances are there's something wrong with how you phrased your quandry, or something wrong with your own point of view. But to act surprised/attacked/continue the joke/back-peddle like crazy/wonder why anyone would ask for advice when an upset person asking for advice doesn't get your joke - well, that's what you get.

[LouieB]

No one is specifically asking for your advice, so maybe you should just stay out of any "advice" thread. And while you seem to think that thread was a nightmare (just because your advice was terrible and you got called out on it) doesn't mean it it was. I got a lot of really good advice from people on here that helped me work towards solving my issue.

 

All of the "you need to find new friends" comments are very similar to the "dump her" comments. They are just not useful to Barb. I hope she can ignore them better than I ignored them.

Wow....I WAS making a joke on this one, but on the other one...well....we hashed that one out and discovered that the person asking for advise had no business asking if they weren't going to be honest about the REAL problem. Someone on THIS thread has a problem obviously and it isn't the person asking advise.

 

LouieB

[Beltmann]

the semi-serious suggestions that she find new friends

That's the key, I think. I don't think anyone was seriously suggesting that Barb abandon her long-standing relationships. That phrasing was really just a way of making a larger, more serious point. At least that's how I interpreted bobblehead's remark.

[cryptique]

Bottom line: It may not be the best idea to seek meaningful advice about a personal issue on a message board for a rock and roll band.

[bleedorange]

I still think it's strange how her friends are reacting. But, then again, the drinking issue has always been a big one for me. My wife doesn't drink and we decided not to have alcohol served at our wedding (also, more money for better food, better venue, etc.). Her dad and stepmom were disgusted by this news. Instead of respecting our wishes, they joined the club behind our backs for the sole purpose of being able to go downstairs to get drinks to bring up to the reception.

[cryptique]

Over the years I've just seen way too many people do incredibly stupid things because of alcohol, and I lost any fascination I might have once had with it. I haven't been drunk in at least a decade (probably much longer), and when I do drink, which is very rarely, it's something really good, and I have only one glass, two at the most. These days I have little patience with people who are incapable of having a good time without alcohol.

 

Back in high school I got the (mistaken, naïve) impression that alcohol was something you got out of your system by your early to mid-20s and then you became the kind of person who might have a glass of wine with dinner or a beer or two on the weekend, and that was all. Little did I know that a lot of the people I knew would just continue to get hammered, over and over again, on weeknights as well as weekends, into their 40s and beyond.

 

It just wasn't ever my idea of fun -- I enjoyed being drunk a few times in high school and college, but then it became something I dreaded, and eventually took steps to avoid.

 

To be honest, I've become rather scornful about it. I wish I could be more accepting, but the more I see people make fools of themselves, the less respect I have for them. Seriously, grow the fuck up. I know I should probably just let people have their fun and not make it any concern of mine, but some kinds of "fun" can turn dangerous, destructive, debilitating...

 

And don't even get me started on driving while drunk. Oy. All I'll say is that you might want to drive super-extra-carefully when passing by a golf course in the early evening, when the league players are heading home.

[bleedorange]

Over the years I've just seen way too many people do incredibly stupid things because of alcohol, and I lost any fascination I might have once had with it. I haven't been drunk in at least a decade (probably much longer), and when I do drink, which is very rarely, it's something really good, and I have only one glass, two at the most. These days I have little patience with people who are incapable of having a good time without alcohol.

 

Back in high school I got the (mistaken, naïve) impression that alcohol was something you got out of your system by your early to mid-20s and then you became the kind of person who might have a glass of wine with dinner or a beer or two on the weekend, and that was all. Little did I know that a lot of the people I knew would just continue to get hammered, over and over again, on weeknights as well as weekends, into their 40s and beyond.

 

It just wasn't ever my idea of fun -- I enjoyed being drunk a few times in high school and college, but then it became something I dreaded, and eventually took steps to avoid.

 

To be honest, I've become rather scornful about it. I wish I could be more accepting, but the more I see people make fools of themselves, the less respect I have for them. Seriously, grow the fuck up. I know I should probably just let people have their fun and not make it any concern of mine, but some kinds of "fun" can turn dangerous, destructive, debilitating...

 

And don't even get me started on driving while drunk. Oy. All I'll say is that you might want to drive super-extra-carefully when passing by a golf course in the early evening, when the league players are heading home.

 

Yeah, I could not agree more with every word of this post.

[cryptique]

Yeah, I could not agree more with every word of this post.

This is where I insert the emoticon, just for sheer irony.

[Guest Speed Racer]

To be honest, I've become rather scornful about it. I wish I could be more accepting, but the more I see people make fools of themselves, the less respect I have for them.

 

I agree with everything you posted except this (which isn't to say that I disagree that you think this ). I certainly feel bad when I see people making stupid decisions with alcohol, but too many people have an inability to control their intake for me to really want to pass judgement on them. I will, however, excuse myself from the company of those with drinking problems (again, this isn't to say alcoholism but "I get naked at every party I end up at" is a problem in itself).

 

That being said, I live in a univeristy neighborhood and have experienced the joys that come with that. A few weeks ago I called an ambulance when a neighbor's friend fell down a flight of stairs and into our door (I think it was a draw between the door and the stairs, but the kid definitely didn't win) - and the friends were too drunk to think the kid's injuries were serious. At noon.

 

But I am still fascinated by alcohol - that much I will admit. I am fascinated that some people get so riled up by the absence of alcohol (see bleedorange's in-laws, or my aunt who poured vodka into my drink when I wasn't looking last year); I am fascinated by people who can drink half a glass of wine and not give it another thought; I am fascinated by people who drink sometimes, but not always; people who drink always, with many consequences, and can't conceive that they could be problem drinkers; why it makes some people happy, others belligerent, and others unable to make it out of a brownstone with their faces intact.