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Tabloid Eaten by Aliens! Fake Columnist Loses His Job!

By CATE DOTY

 

In Ed Anger

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When I worked for a supermarket chain throughout the '80's I LOVED reading Ed Anger. That was just hilarious stuff to me (I was on drugs at the time).

 

One of the best WWNews headlines ever: Saddam Hussein & Osama Bin Laden have secret gay marriage ceremony.

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I just got off the phone with a dear friend who has a son who is borderline autistic. He is thirteen and is very good with money but is a total wash when it comes to interpersonal skills.. He has two parents who deeply care about his ability to 'relate' with the 'normal' world but are also self-made and minorities to boot. I want to tell them to keep nurturing his empathetic and compassionate qualities while disregarding the 'pull' toward a very expensive private school which will give him cred but maybe not real accomplishment. what do you see as the real pitfalls in either case in terms of being attractive to colleges, higher institutions of learning.

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:ohwell But I loved reading it! When I was in middle school and high school I was on the knowledge bowl team, and we would always stop off at lunch to get a Weekly World News and then pastries at the Tastee Bakery Outlet store...ah the days of missing school and hanging out with an awesome English teacher and reading the WWN. No more!
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I just got off the phone with a dear friend who has a son who is borderline autistic. He is thirteen and is very good with money but is a total wash when it comes to interpersonal skills.. He has two parents who deeply care about his ability to 'relate' with the 'normal' world but are also self-made and minorities to boot. I want to tell them to keep nurturing his empathetic and compassionate qualities while disregarding the 'pull' toward a very expensive private school which will give him cred but maybe not real accomplishment. what do you see as the real pitfalls in either case in terms of being attractive to colleges, higher institutions of learning.

:unsure

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  • 3 weeks later...
:unsure

 

ugh-

sorry- i had been studying for months for a big exam - i was under a lot of stress and had sworn off all recreational

escapes- hadn't done anything for months but had a few drinks that night- got a little weird after a conversation with a friend- must have been pretty lit.

the good news is that i passed.

the bad news is that i was pretty mortified by that post and didn't even check out the forum for a good while. :ohwell

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Timely. I've got a question or two for you bjorn:

 

First: Why do the papers (any paper, really) think it's hip/entertaining/eye-catching to plaster the papers with lame headers to all pertinent articles; using assonance, confusing rhyming schemes that don't always relate to the article itself, cutesy shit, etc.?

 

Second: Which jackass is actually in charge of assigning the lame headline to the pieces?

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Because they are trying really hard to be cool. (Luckily, at Ulster Publishing, we don't have to try.) And editors are in charge of headlines.

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Second: Which jackass is actually in charge of assigning the lame headline to the pieces?

In 1993 I wrote a mildly favorable review of Jurassic Park. Fourteen years later, my friends still won't let me forget the headline added by the morons at the newspaper: "DINO-mite!"

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Ooo. I would have whipped that editor to death with a motorcycle chain.

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so no one is going to try to make me feel better about drunken posting? ah well. i did pass and also got my daughter off to college this week and she was very prepared thanks to all of the suggestions from you vc'ers......lammy- she was smitten with the old typewriter

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so no one is going to try to make me feel better about drunken posting? ah well. i did pass and also got my daughter off to college this week and she was very prepared thanks to all of the suggestions from you vc'ers......lammy- she was smitten with the old typewriter

That's fantastic. I hope she digs on that part of the country. I lived in Roanoke/Salem for eight years and loved it. Great folks down there....

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so no one is going to try to make me feel better about drunken posting? ah well. i did pass and also got my daughter off to college this week and she was very prepared thanks to all of the suggestions from you vc'ers......lammy- she was smitten with the old typewriter

 

You are resolved of your drunken posting.

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thank you- i felt like a real heel and even changed my signature but realize now that that was in vain......it's been a helluva year for me- i passed that friggin series 7 test that i don't even care about but needed o keep my job and my health insurance, just wanted my oldest to have something i never got and to feel ready for it.....after that i had exactly one day of feeling like i was caefree and then found out that my younger daughter just had lost her virginity at her 'boyfriend's' house during the exactly 60 minutes that she was there after i dropped her off to visit while his friggin parents were there. 2007 will go down in my books as nothing but a steeplechase for sanity

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A lot of newspaper people are unreconstructed geeks with social adaptation difficulties. They just don't know any better. And a lot of newspapers drug-test now, too, which cuts back severely on newsroom coolness.

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sorry- but passionate typing is not always good typing

It's cool. Here at VC, we are an arsenal of care.

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A lot of newspaper people are unreconstructed geeks with social adaptation difficulties. They just don't know any better. And a lot of newspapers drug-test now, too, which cuts back severely on newsroom coolness.

 

thank you. now that i am over those 2 hurdles i have to deal with the almost 16 year old.......she is away in the outer banks with a friend this week, but i told her that our conversation about her sexuality will be ongoing......basically she is on ice until she gets back.

so, now i have to deal with this new wrinkle....obviously i have a responsibility to make sure she is safe and not getting pregnant- so- do i put her on birth control and essentially condone the behavior? do i call this kid's parents and give them a heads up? ( i had half a mind to go to their home at midnight after i found out and bang on their door), do i just tell my ex- her dad- and let him go atomic on the whole thing, argh- the oldest was so easy but this one is her mother(me) in spades, yet i don't know how best to approach her.

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(I "think" trestle might "be" an "alias.")

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