Honor those you love

[Spawn's dad]

Today is the tenth anniversary of my father's passing. He was truly the best friend I ever had, and I was closer to him than anyone else. Still, I'm

amazed at the aspects of relationship that one never really replaces. That are simply lost. To this day, especially this day, there are still things I wish

I could have the opportunity to share with him, get his advice on, or to simply be together without the need for words at all.

[pillowy star]

What a beautiful idea for a thread. I am glad that I had the idea of surprising my daughter with an unexpected parcel full of cheap but cheerful goodies like cinnamon cookies, a gingerbread octoberfest heart "for my very best girl", some nibbles for her rabbits, some candyfloss for her teeth, and some jewellry. The amazed & happy call I just got from her the minute before I opened this thread made me realize that it's the small things that count sometimes.

 

Like I am so gonna make the most amazing Black Tiger Prawn stirfry for Rob tonight, although I will probably have to slice myself into 2 pieces, seeing the work I have to do for my Dad today. So what? Unlike you, I still got him.

 

Very sorry for your loss Cherish the memories, as they will never cease. xx

[austrya]

I lost my dad almost 4 years ago, so I know what you're feeling, Gary. In most ways, I wish my dad were still here because not a day goes by that I don't need him for something, whether it's to fix my leaky roof, tell me why my car is making a weird noise, or to ask advice about my kids. I miss him so much. I really wish my two youngest kids, who never got to meet him, could see what an amazing grandpa he was and I hope my two older kids, who were young when he died, never forget him. I wish he could be here to talk my sister out of some of the stupid decisions she makes.

 

Thanks for this thread, Gary.

[RaspberryJam]

What you say about never being able to replace aspects of relationships gone is so true. My grandmother has been gone for 7 years and I still find myself going to pick up the phone to call her when something is going on that I need to think about before acting. She was the only person in my life that would just listen to me talk through things without telling me how to fix it. I haven't had that with anyone else then or since. We had the easiest, most natural love. I was so lucky to have her long enough to have an adult relationship with her. I hope my children can experience that. I only selfishly wish they could've met her. Grandma Kate.

[Doug C]

Sunday will be the 30th anniversary of my father's death. I was 15 and still miss him, the things that we shared like shooting hoops and kicking the football - he built a soccer pitch for me on our 10 acres - and the things that his presence did for me. All of the things that I would have liked to talk to him about... What I miss the most, though, are the milestones in my life that he missed and that I missed sharing with him. High school and university graduation, getting a career job, career success, marriage, children, grandchildren, etc. My mom gave me the pocket watch that his mom gave him when he graduated from high school (his dad kicked him out because he wouldn't quit school to work full time on the farm like his father wanted so he had to make it on his own. His mom risked her husband's ire by having one of my uncles gradually liberate chickens so she could sell them to have money to buy him a silver pocket watch). I plan on giving it to my grandson when he graduates (no son but 2 daughters). I also wear my dad's wedding ring, though it was a 12 and I had to have it sized to an 8! I wish that my dad, my wife, my children and grand children could have known one another.

 

Well, I'll stop before I put ya'll to sleep. Thank you for the thread, Spawn's dad. Have some fine memories today, won't you?

P.S. My dad would be 103 in January, if he were alive. He was 57 when I was born. My mom is 22 years younger. He was quite the playa! Ha ha! My favorite photo of him is from around 1928. He is dressed in a suit and hat with 4 flappers hanging on to him in front of his sedan. He wrote at the top 'me and my girls'. Thanks again, spawn's dad.

[dagwave]

Wow! What a wonderful and heartfelt post. Thank you, Spawn. Like some of us, i am currently struggling with relationship and career challenges, and a day doesn't pass that i don't miss my pops (passed 7 years ago), his perspective, compassion, experience, and unconditional love. This thread truly brings a tear to my eye, and helps remind me of the amazing gifts I've had and have in my life.

 

Peace.

[Wilco Worshipper]

My maternal grandparents were like my other set of parents growing up. My brother and I were lucky (and maybe spoiled in a way) because all of our other cousins lived all around the world so we got our grandparents all to ourselves. They were the everything to me. They taught me plenty, shared much and loved me probably more than I loved them tho I would never admit it aloud

 

Almost all of my fondest childhood memories include them. I would and still do gush to people about them. And back in the day I would do whatever I could to make sure my friends got to meet them.

 

Luckily, they only saw the good in my life. My personal problems (divorce & such) didn't happen until after they passed and for THAT I'm grateful.

 

 

 

Life has never been the same since they passed and never will *sigh*

 

 

Btw, they were married over 50 years and died almost 4 months apart to the day.

[pillowy star]

My maternal grandparents were like my other set of parents growing up. My brother and I were lucky (and maybe spoiled in a way) because all of our other cousins lived all around the world so we got our grandparents all to ourselves. They were the everything to me. They taught me plenty, shared much and loved me probably more than I loved them tho I would never admit it aloud

 

Almost all of my fondest childhood memories include them. I would and still do gush to people about them. And back in the day I would do whatever I could to make sure my friends got to meet them.

 

Luckily, they only saw the good in my life. My personal problems (divorce & such) didn't happen until after they passed and for THAT I'm grateful.

 

 

 

Life has never been the same since they passed and never will *sigh*

 

 

Btw, they were married over 50 years and died almost 4 months apart to the day.

 

Almost the same here. My maternal Grandparents were married 54 years and died on 17th & 18th of December, 1994. Within 30 hours of each other, inseparable.

[EL the Famous]

my grandpa and grandma wolf kicked all sorts of ass. they have set the bar for what i want to be as both a parent and grandparent and, bigger than that, a human being. i can only miss them so much, as i had so many wonderful years w/ them in my life...enough to last me through the rest of mine.

 

i also wish my father-in-law hadn't passed so early. a no-nonsense carpenter who could be funnier than hell to boot. he would have gotten such a kick out of being a grandpa to twin boys.

[M. (hristine]

Next week marks the 4th anniversary of my sister's death. Like Gary and his dad, she was my best friend and elements of our relationship will never be duplicated. She understood me, both light and dark, like no one since. We communicated telepathically it seemed. I so long for her company again.

 

We played this at her memorial; her favorite Bowie song:

 

Love me, love me, love me, love me,

say you do

Let me fly away with you

For my love is like the wind,

and wild is the wind

Wild is the wind

 

You touch me, I hear the sound of mandolins

You kiss me

With your kiss my life begins

You're spring to me, all things to me

Don't you know you're life, itself!

 

Like the leaf clings to the tree,

Oh, my darling, cling to me

For we're like creatures of the wind,

and wild is the wind

 

Wild is the wind

Wild is the wind

Wild is the wind

Wild is the wind

 

I miss shooting photos with her.

 

 

I joined VC two months after she died. You guys have no idea how much you all helped during those dark days. Thank you.

[Atticus]

My greatest fear in life is losing my father. Like you, gary, he is my best friend, and every year I age I learn more and more how much he sacrificed for me and how much he and my mom love me. My world could best be described as a total mess, and without some of the people on this board I'm not sure I'd still be around.

 

true thanks for such honesty and such a great thread. I love guys.

[Edie]

I spent the weekend in the company of many people I rarely see; it was my 30th HS reunion. This was the only reason I would have missed the debate Friday.

 

Anyway, when I got to one of the pre-parties on Friday night, I got the news that one of my best friends, John Kauffmann, from that era (and beyond) had passed away about a year ago -- suicide. I looked at the messenger blankly, then started bawling uncontrollably. John was like one of his beloved Labradors -- big and floppy, gorgeous and fun-loving. But he had a dark side that would render him sad and numb from the setbacks that life inevitably brings from time to time, and he was often slow to recover.

 

I met John when we were 8 or so and we spent one day at the local pool having a ball. I never saw him there again -- and always wondered about him. Fast-forward to high school (multiple towns went to the same HS) and we met up again. We became fast friends and he dated a pal of mine for a long time, so we hung out together a lot, talked on the phone for hours, you know, friends. We both managed to get through HS without dying or sustaining major injuries, He went to AZ for college but came back home after a semester or two. I had decided to wait to start school and so we then were together all the time. Eventually, we slowed down with seeing each other a lot, but saw each other from time to time. At one point he married and had a son and got work as a carpenter -- definitely not the banking career or whatever that his mother wanted for him. I last saw him in '88 at our 10 year reunion. He seemed happy and relatively satisfied. We talked a little after that and I knew where he was. He did not show up for the 20 year reunion and no one seemed to know where he was.

 

As best we can piece it together, he left for Nantucket in the 90s after his wife and he split. It was there he took his life after he got his son through college. I imagine that his ashes are scattered somewhere on the beach, at the top of a dune looking east so he could have front row seats so that he can always see the sunrise (we used to head down to lake michigan to see them here, then go to his house for eggs).

 

Anyway, John, you meant so much to me in my life and I am so sad you are not here. Sweet dreams....

[Mrs. Peel]

I lost my father 5 years ago, and I think of him every day. Seeing my mom have to come to terms with the loneliness after losing her best friend has been difficult to bear sometimes. When I was diagnosed with a serious illness, I stayed strong because my father reassured me as only a father can that he would take care of me. When he passed away less than a year later it was devastating on so many levels. My grandfather passed away 9 months after my dad, and after battling cancer for many many years I believe he began to give up the fight after he lost his son. Then my mom's father passed away last year, adding to the sadness of losing even more of our family's strong and stable men. Because my mom and grandmother both lost their husbands they have grown an even stronger bond as mother and daughter in law. The rest of my mom's family has adopted my grandmother as one of their own, and it is so heartwarming to see that my mom's brothers routinely stop by to help my grandmother with the day to day difficulties of maintaining her house, just as they do for my mom. I miss them both immensely, especially during the seemingly insignificant moments like a Sunday dinner with the family or shopping for Christmas presents. Neither one of them saw me get married, buy my first house.....we've been without them through many wonderful and horrible times already. But their deaths have brought me even closer to my mom than I already was, and I don't go more than a day or two without calling my grandmother, just to talk about our day. I cherish the fact that my 82 year old grandmother is in excellent health, both physically and mentally. I'm so thankful for the wonderful family I still have left.