a.miller Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 Got this from another forum, thought VCers might get a little laugh out of it: 1) Most Blues begin, "Woke up this morning..." 2) "I got a good woman" is a bad way to begin the Blues, 'less you stick something nasty in the next line like, "I got a good woman, with the meanest face in town." 3) The Blues is simple. After you get the first line right, repeat it. Then find something that rhymes . . . sort of: "Got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Yes, I got a good woman with the meanest face in town. Got teeth like Margaret Thatcher, and she weigh 500 pound." 4) The Blues is not about choice. You stuck in a ditch, you stuck in a ditch-ain't no way out. 5) Blues cars: Chevys, Fords, Cadillacs and broken-down trucks. Blues don't travel in Volvos, BMWs, or Sport Utility Vehicles. Most Blues transportation is a Greyhound bus or a southbound train. Jet aircraft an' state-sponsored motor pools ain't even in the running. Walkin' plays a major part in the blues lifestyle. So does fixin' to die. 6) Teenagers can't sing the Blues. Adults sing the Blues. In Blues "adulthood" means being old enough to get the electric chair if you shoot a man in Memphis. 7) Blues can take place in New York City but not in Hawaii or any place in Canada. Hard times in Minneapolis or Seattle is probably just clinical depression. Chicago, St. Louis, and Kansas City are still the best places to have the Blues. You cannot have the blues in any place that don't get rain. 8) A man with male pattern baldness ain't the blues. A woman with male pattern baldness is. Breaking your leg cause you skiing is not the blues. Breaking your leg 'cause a alligator be chomping on it is. 9) You can't have no Blues in a office or a shopping mall. The lighting is wrong. Go outside to the parking lot or sit by the dumpster. 10) Good places for the Blues: a) Highway; Jailhouse; c) Empty bed; d) Bottom of a whiskey glass. Bad places for the Blues: a) Dillard's; Gallery openings; c) Ivy League institutions; d) Golf courses 11) No one will believe it's the Blues if you wear a suit, 'less you happen to be a old ethnic person, and you slept in it. 12) Do you have the right to sing the Blues? Yes, if a) You older than dirt; You blind; c) You shot a man in Memphis; d) You can't be satisfied. No, if a) You have all your teeth; You were once blind but now can see; c) The man in Memphis lived; d) You have a 401K or trust fund. 13) Blues is not a matter of color. It's a matter of bad luck. Tiger Woods cannot sing the blues. Sonny Liston could. Ugly white people also got a leg up on the blues. 14) If you ask for water and your darlin' give you gasoline, it's the Blues. Other acceptable Blues beverages are a) Cheap wine; Whiskey or bourbon; c) Muddy water; d) Nasty black coffee. The following are NOT Blues beverages: a) Perrier; Chardonnay; c) Snapple; d) Slim Fast. 15) If death occurs in a cheap motel or a shotgun shack, it's a Blues death. Stabbed in the back by a jealous lover is another Blues way to die. So is the electric chair, substance abuse and dying lonely on a broken down cot. You can't have a Blues death if you die during a tennis match or getting liposuction. 16) Some Blues names for women: a) Sadie; Big Mama; c) Bessie; d) Fat River Dumpling 17) Some Blues names for men a) Joe; Willie; c) Little Willie; d) Big Willie 18) Persons with names like Michelle, Amber, Debbie, and Heather can't sing the Blues no matter how many men they shoot in Memphis. 19) Make your own Blues name Starter Kit: a) Name of physical > infirmity (Blind, Cripple, Lame, etc.); First name (see above) plus name of fruit (Lemon, Lime, Kiwi, etc.); c) Last name of President (Jefferson, Johnson, Fillmore, etc.); d) For example, Blind Lime Jefferson, Jakeleg Lemon Johnson or Cripple Kiwi Fillmore, etc. (Well, maybe not "Kiwi.") 20) It don't matter how tragic your life, if you own a computer, you cannot sing the blues. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tweedy's Gurl Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 haha! i've been writing & singing the blues for the past few months. it feels like the most natural thing! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jff Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 haha! i've been writing & singing the blues for the past few months. it feels like the most natural thing! natural? NATURAL? Don't you mean natch'l? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
caliber66 Posted February 15, 2008 Share Posted February 15, 2008 Teeg caught the Katy, lef' me a mule to ride. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
froggie Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I've always wondered why blues songs are usually 12 bar. Any answer from you music theory types? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tweedy's Gurl Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 because, 12 bar is the way blues songs work...it's just how it started. (brilliant conclusion, i know) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
a.miller Posted February 16, 2008 Author Share Posted February 16, 2008 I've always wondered why blues songs are usually 12 bar. Any answer from you music theory types?The devil told Robert Johnson that it's that way, so it's that way. I really have no idea. I'm not a big blues nut, but I find it very intriguing that it "works" and in just about every musical key. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
froggie Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 > soThe devil told Robert Johnson that it's that way, so it's that way. so who told Mississippi John Hurt this theory, back in 1928? seriously, Johnson (a legend that he is) was taught a bit from Son House. the question is, where/who did the 12-bar structure come from? hmmm... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LouieB Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I can't give an answer either, it is just the way it evolved. 12 bar is basically a couplet with the first line repeated in a slightly different chord progression. That information you need to get from someone more musical than I am.LouieB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cryptique Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 I've always wondered why blues songs are usually 12 bar.because The Man wouldn't let them have 16. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
LouieB Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 because The Man wouldn't let them have 16. Yea, and in some cases he stuck him with only eight... LouieB Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Golden Smoghead Posted February 16, 2008 Share Posted February 16, 2008 Wikipedia informed me that "Trouble in Mind" is 8-bar blues. I did not know that... Here's a version performed by Jerry Lee Lewis, Merle Haggard, Willie Nelson and Keith Richards: I actually prefer the much-faster, old-timey version from my Folkways "Old Timey Music" album but I can't find that atm, sorry. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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