Guest Speed Racer Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I am *not* assertive. I have a brand new car (bought in June). My roommate does not have a car. I did not have a car during college, and there were several times when I needed to borrow a car (job interviews, emergency doctor's visits and the like) and it was a hassle - I know what it's like to *need* a car. I told my roommate that if she needed to borrow my car, she could do so as long as she asked first. I am still okay with this policy, but we apparently have different definitions of 'need.' I found today that she has been borrowing my car without asking, and that she apparently didn't think this was a problem (a mutual friend had an emergency once while I was at work, and my roommate had to drive her somewhere; I told my roommate that if 'anything like that' comes up, she can borrow the car when I'm not home - again, she had a loose definition of 'anything like that.'). Tonight I told not to take it without asking, and I trust that she won't do that again. Nevertheless, I also realized that she drives my car more than I do. I go to the grocery store and a meeting each week, and she'll go to her parents, the grocery store, and to exercise or maybe a friend's house. My version of 'need to borrow the car' included grocery store, that's it. Or a chopped off arm. Not friends (have cars), parents (have cars, love her), or exercise. I'm aware of the insurance/other repercussions, and really don't want her using my car more than once a week right now, though she is presently using it more frequently than that. I am *not* assertive. How do I explain my new policy? My parents suggested blaming them the next time she asks for a 'recreational purpose' (as parents are a great 'out' for folks our age), saying they don't want me loaning the car* (insurance, safety, money, etc.). This wasn't something I thought would be an issue, because I thought 'when you need it' was clear. I feel she has been abusing the 'need,' and want to reign in her use. I totally don't care about grocery trips, primarily because when we go together I want to scream (I take 10 minutes, she takes 40 and somehow leaves with less than me). So. As a roommate, parent, child, car driver/car borrower, how would you explain/want it explained to you? * For reference, the car is mine - no help from the parents. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lammycat Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Tell her you're concerned about the no insurance part of it and don't think it's wise for her to be driving it. If she wants to get a policy and help pay for the car payments (if you have them) and you're fine with that then it's another matter. Really though, not wanting her to drive because the onus is on you if something happens should be all you need to say. You can even tell her that although you know she's a careful driver (whether she actually is or not), you're concerned that someone else may hit her while driving in which case you're still liable. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Speed Racer Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Brilliance! The someone else hitting her is a great angle, specifically as our neighborhood's stop signs are more suggestion than law to most drivers... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ction Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Wait for her to "borrow" the car again, then call the police and report it stolen. Problem solved! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spawn's dad Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 get ready to move. unlikely this turns out well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I agree with Gary, the genie is out of the bottle on this deal. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 get ready to move. unlikely this turns out well. I Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lammycat Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 If anything, the roommate will split if she can't handle being told "no." Speed Racer goes no where. I do like the idea of calling the heat if she borrows the car without permission, though. I'd tell her first you'll be "forced" to report it as stolen, though. Give her a fair shot. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
El Picador Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Sounds like "your" car has already become "the" car. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest David Puddy Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 simply tell her, "you can't borrow my car anymore" enough said. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
cryptique Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 You've not mentioned anything about gasoline. Does she ever fill it up? Also: is this just a random roommate, or is this someone you've been friends with for a long time? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Synthesizer Patel Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 keep taking the fan belt off every time you leave it, or unattach the battery - that'll be the non-direct, cowardly, way out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kimcatch22 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 So does she have a second set of the car keys or something? Take away the keys, take away access to the car. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Zeppelinster Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Do she have a key or do you just leave the key laying around? Just take away her key or stop leaving the key laying around so if she wants to drive she has to ask you for the key. the key is key. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spawn's dad Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 pee in her bed! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Use her toothbrush to clean the toilet when she takes your car. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Stewart Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Kill her. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lammycat Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Dig a large hole in the back yard and tell her it's just your "in case" pit. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Upon further review, forget everything I or anyone has had to say on this matter, and run, don Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OOO Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Do her parents have cars? If so, just skip her and go straight to them. They will be older and more feeble, thus easier to overpower. You pull a quick double homicide, and she's suddenly got a car and insurance money to boot. Problem solved. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 You know, I don Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Speed Racer Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Yes! I was thinking that as I was posting last night, what a good consensus the board comes to with practical advice. Anyway, thank you all for the comments. I may be in-and-out today, as I don't usually post at work. A few responses: She's been borrowing it since September, and paid for most of a tank once. In all, she's maybe used two tanks of gas, probably a bit less (but it's a Honda, so that could get you to Kabul and back). We were friends before we moved in, and we consider each other friends in the practical sense now, but after we stop living together I doubt we'll see each other much. We started living together in September, and this is her first apartment (not mine). Her favorite phrase is, "That's not how we do it at my house," her house referenciing the one where her parents live. To reiterate, as someone who has been car-less in the past, I don't want to restrict her trips to the grocery store/various emergencies (like the time I sliced my wrist open moving a futon in '05 - it was nice to borrow a car that day), but I also realize that she's starting to consider it at her disposal. It is partially my fault for letting the borrowing get out of hand, and now I need to redraw a line further back than she would like. We share a fair number of things, as neither of us would have a livable apartment without the other person's stuff (she sits on my chair over my table, on her carpet eating food on her plate cooked in my pan), but nothing that costs $18,000. We follow standard rules with shared items we're particular about ("Please don't cook ____ in that pan because it ____'s the pan," "No sex on my stereo," kind of rules). I've moved the key from a common place to a decidedly uncommon place, but like I said I'm not worried about her borrowing without permission anymore, just saying no when I need to. Thank you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 I'd still clean the toilet with her toothbrush, it's a principle thing. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kimcatch22 Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 like I said I'm not worried about her borrowing without permission anymore, just saying no when I need to.I will find you one of those DARE "Just Say No" pins on ebay so you can look to it for strength and inspiration. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Stewart Posted January 17, 2008 Share Posted January 17, 2008 Turns out this whole thread is just a viral ad for Honda. Oh, Speed Racer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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