Tragedy in the land of the Hokies

[uncle wilco]

Unless the parents contributed to him having mental illness and/or blatantly ignored his need for professional help, I don't see how the parents can be held accountable for the kid flipping out.

 

if my son was continously obsessing over violence and had a long history of being non-responsive/anti-social and also had a record of complaints from school officials, etc. there might be a part of me that would second-guess myself as a father. but, that's just me.

[M. (hristine]

It's damn hard to fill up 24 hours with the same story if the stations stick to 'the facts'. There was NO WAY NBC was going to let those images languish. That's so funny I can hardly contain myself.

 

That the media are blood sucking leeches is not news. I have watched about 30 minutes of CNN coverage of this story. That was more than enough information in my head about it.

[owl]

if my son was continously obsessing over violence and had a long history of being non-responsive/anti-social and also had a record of complaints from school officials, etc. there might be a part of me that would second-guess myself as a father. but, that's just me.

 

It might depend, though. Remember, this is a 23-year old college student, ostensibly an adult who lived away from home, not a 16-year-old highschooler.

 

Many people commit murder in their 30s, 40s, or 50s, or even 80s (check TSG's geriatric mug shots section). Are the parents still to blame?

[Spawn's dad]

these issues are more complex than starting or ending with an individual. if he truly had mental problems then, for one, society as a whole shares some blame as the system is broken that puts the mentally ill back out on the street. His parents, also, share some blame. Freedom itself can hold some as well...as freedom is inherently in opposition to security. We live in a violent society...from games to movies to the way we treat one another in traffic. We view violence as an answer. Obviously many many people are teased, beaten, made to feel small and yet never resort to mass murder...yet it only takes one to realize that these issues are fermenting. It doesn't end with his death, as his legacy may be some other psycho idealizing him and wanting to better that gruesome record. The media profits and sensationalizes. Yeah we can turn it off...but is that the point? There's a wanting behind the existence of the coverage, and it's in that lust for that that our problems are most clear.

[Guest Speed Racer]

FERPA

 

His parents could not have known about the complaints from school officials.

 

He seemed like a VERY introverted guy, and if he were away at school his parents would have no clue what he was 'continually obsessing over.' My parents sure as heck couldn't list the three most important things in my life right now or my three biggest worries (though they could hazard some nice guesses) and I think they are amazing parents. I just don't keep them clued in to that kind of thing.

 

What if they had been very actively involved in seeking help for their son prior to his 18th birthday and he still flipped out? Crazies are crazies, no two ways about it. You can help someone all you want, but there's a threshold people cross where you can do everything in the world and still not save them from themselves.

[uncle wilco]

It might depend, though. Remember, this is a 23-year old college student, ostensibly an adult who lived away from home, not a 16-year-old highschooler.

 

Many people commit murder in their 30s, 40s, or 50s. Are the parents still to blame?

 

maybe your right, maybe after you turn 21 you might catch the "let's kill people" virus. it turns completely average people into mass-murders instantly.

 

i think this particular person had a long list of red flags all the way through childhood and it finally boiled over. it's all hind-sight now and i can't even imagine how his parents feel right now, but i'm sure it's of little consolation to those 32 families that lost a loved one.

[Reni]

on NPR the other day they were speaking to another woman from South Korea who was friends with his parents and worked with them at some point. She said that while he was painfully quiet and shy, he got good grades and was a respectful child. She went on to say that in their culture and community, there is an emphasis on academic achievement and that introvertedness is not necessarily a sign of anything out of order.

 

Who is to say that the parents knew a thing about his violent writing, obsessing, etc??

[owl]

maybe your right, maybe after you turn 21 you might catch the "let's kill people" virus. it turns completely average people into mass-murders instantly.

 

Come on, Mike.

[Guest Speed Racer]

maybe your right, maybe after you turn 21 you might catch the "let's kill people" virus. it turns completely average people into mass-murders instantly.

 

i think this particular person had a long list of red flags all the way through childhood and it finally boiled over. it's all hind-sight now and i can't even imagine how his parents feel right now, but i'm sure it's of little consolation to those 32 families that lost a loved one.

 

While some mental illnesses manifest themselves early in life, most do not fully set in until someone's early 20's. Though he may have been depressed/withdrawn/morbid prior to college, there's a good chance he experienced zero suicidal or homicidal impulses before then.

 

Kepp in mind also that HIPAA and other acts prohibit the media from obtaining his medical records outside of what the school forced him into and prior to when he was 18. You really have no idea what his parents did or did not do.

[bobbob1313]

when is st. oprah gonna have the killer's parents on her show? she can create sympathy for them as parents because of the ills of society or some shit like that.

 

where are his parents anyway?

 

good job, mom and dad...good job.

 

Fuck you.

 

Seriously thats stupid as all hell. I can see getting mad at the media (though they are only doing their job in that people obviously want to see this, and the media has never been about morality when it came to what they cover), but blaming his parents is totally unfair. You really think they deserve the blame for this? Their kid was obviously mentally unstable and had problems that couldn't be helped without serious therapy, if even that.

[MrRain422]

Even the most obviously troubled kids don't often grow up to commit atrocities like this.

 

Look, there are a lot of things that come together to cause something like this. None of us really understand how something like this happens, and I doubt we ever will. Of course parenting plays a role -- we're all shaped to a degree by the people who raised us. But we're shaped just as much by our peers, and even more by our own internal thoughts, pressures, ideas, etc. Obviously this guy was mis-wired. Were there warning signs as he was growing up? Perhaps, I don't know. But laying too much of this on the parents (who right now are, no doubt, turn up by grief, guilt, you name it) is to overlook all of the other outside influences, internal influences, societal pressures and circumstances. This guy could have been in therapy his whole life and might have still done this for all we know.

[quarter23cd]

Glad this is bringing out the best in us.

[uncle wilco]

i see i've become the board punching bag again.

 

go ahead and pile on, there's still room.

 

i hope it helps to relieve all that pent up stress and anger for you.

 

i'll be fine.

[Guest Speed Racer]

i see i've become the board punching bag again.

 

It might have been that part about where you blamed his parents for his mental illness...

[caliber66]

i see i've become the board punching bag again.

 

go ahead and pile on, there's still room.

 

i hope it helps to relieve all that pent up stress and anger for you.

 

i'll be fine.

Did you bring your violin?

[uncle wilco]

Did you bring your violin?

 

yeah, it's real fucking tiny.

 

you probably can't hear it.

[Moe_Syzlak]

Even the most obviously troubled kids don't often grow up to commit atrocities like this.

This I agree with. I hesitate to speculate (there's enough of that going around), but I wonder if the stigma attached to mental illness played a role, either in the form of a reluctance to act on the part of the family or a reluctance to get help on the part of the individual (Cho). Obviously the guy already felt he was singled out and ostracized as "different." Our culture's attitudes towards mental health issues couldn't have made seeking help any easier. To be clear, please don't mistake this observation (or wondering aloud) as any sort of excuse for Cho's actions. The blame doesn't rest with anyone but him in the end, IMO.

[bobbob1313]

yeah, it's real fucking tiny.

 

you probably can't hear it.

 

Not over your whining.

[Reni]

It might have been that part about where you blamed his parents for his mental illness...

 

well, and the smug "tone" that came with it - that's what made me so angry. "good job mom and dad, good job"

 

[Lammycat]

I don't see you as a punching bag, but you did throw into the discussion a belief that not many (around here, apparently)hold and you haven't backed it up or given a reason why his parents are at fault.

 

Is there a history of his parents ignoring/not listening to the killer's cries for help you know of that the rest of us don't?

[M. (hristine]

This I agree with. I hesitate to speculate (there's enough of that going around), but I wonder if the stigma attached to mental illness played a role, either in the form of a reluctance to act on the part of the family or a reluctance to get help on the part of the individual (Cho). Obviously the guy already felt he was singled out and ostracized as "different." Our culture's attitudes towards mental health issues couldn't have made seeking help any easier. To be clear, please don't mistake this observation (or wondering aloud) as any sort of excuse for Cho's actions. The blame doesn't rest with anyone but him in the end, IMO.

Plus his parents emigrated to the states from south Korea in their middle age. It's damn near impossible for a college educated person with above average verbal skills (me, for example) to wade through the mental health system. Had they even been aware of his troubled mind, helping him or finding help for him would have been very difficult.

[uncle wilco]

Not over your whining.

earl, your show sucks and you need to realize that scientology only guarantees you a clean colon and a christmas card from john travolta.

[Reni]

scientology only guarantees you a clean colon and a christmas card from john travolta.

 

now, that's actually pretty funny.

[plasticeyeball]

Kepp in mind also that HIPAA and other acts prohibit the media from obtaining his medical records outside of what the school forced him into and prior to when he was 18. You really have no idea what his parents did or did not do.

 

 

and on the flipside, once he was an adult, no medical facility or counsellor or any other qualified person that would evaluate his mental state could reveal that to his parents or anyone else either. my wife before becoming a teacher was a social worker and spent 7 years working in the inpatient psych unit at a local hospital. between having to cut people loose (who weren't ready) because of benefit time limits and feeling like her hands where tied all the time she finally had to leave.

[uncle wilco]

now, that's actually pretty funny.

reni, to you i'm sorry.