Wilco loved; Wilco lost

[Spawn's dad]

I disagree with, amongst other things, your assessment of my post.

[mountain bed]

"Ye suffer from yourselves, none else compels,

None other holds you that ye live and die

And whir upon the wheel, and hug and kiss its spokes of agony,

Its tire of tears, its nave of nothingness."

[aricandover]

I'm happy he used, "couldn't care less" not, "could care less"

[HighFives]

I'm happy he used, "couldn't care less" not, "could care less"

 

so am I, always been a pet peeve of mine. unless they actually mean "could care less" which is rare at best.

[Guest Speed Racer]

I would say to talk to your wife about this. While it's not necessary that she know absolutely everything about your life, your reluctance to talk to her would DEFINITELY indicate a rift in communication between the two of you that you ought to address sooner rather than later.

 

I am not at all saying that there should be things (or heaven knows bands, for that matter) that you can't or don't need to talk to your wife about, but you two should still BOTH know what those subjects are. My cousin is quite into fixing up cars, and he has many friends that he fixes up cars with. However, his wife knows who all of those friends are, and doesn't feel threatened because my cousin is being open and honest about hi hobby AND his emotional attachment to it. You might LOVE talking about music with this woman, and she might have supplanted a great outlet for work and a beautiful emotional connection, but if your wife has no clue about her and you don't feel comfortable telling her, there's probably something you need to address with your wife. SOON.

[jdmel]

The age old question: What came first the music or the misery?

 

Really should get a pet though.

[bjorn_skurj]

"Ye suffer from yourselves, none else compels,

None other holds you that ye live and die

And whir upon the wheel, and hug and kiss its spokes of agony,

Its tire of tears, its nave of nothingness."

Wait. They had tires back in the Buddha day?

[kidsmoke]

Gary, I feel as Johnny does. I don't object to your opinion of the guy....that you are totally entitled to....I just felt that you were unnecessarily harsh & bordering on personal attack. Maybe I misread your sentiments and they weren't as harsh as they read (although serious & not meant in jest)? If so, I'm sorry for that, but to me it read as being harsh and mocking toward the guy, who was, after all, just telling his story.

 

However much it may smack to some of this "emotional affair" or sliding that direction, I think other possibilities exist, such as a good and truly supportive friendship that Tucker is genuinely grieving.....this could also be the "truth". Tucker is the only one who really knows, and he's told us that an emotional affair isn't the case. Yes, it's possible he's in denial, but it isn't the only possibility! I'll save my "Crap, when did it become hip and fashionable to be deeply cynical?" rant for another time & spare you all and just say instead that not automatically assuming a worst-case scenario doesn't mean I'm naive. Just means I think the guy could be being honest and that's all there is to it. And yes, I admit to being hopeful that he's being on the level with his wife.

 

The world is a harsh enough place.....I just wish on this board we could be a bit kinder and gentler toward each other....you know, "Be the change you wish to see in the world." Alternatively, it's easy enough to just not read some threads that annoy you.

 

I have to confess: "Relationship boards" really exist? I've never heard of such a thing.

 

I also am very pleased with the use of "couldn't care less".

[Spawn's dad]

You're projecting way too much Donna. I'm not annoyed and I don't have "an opinion of the guy," as you put it. I'm saying that the way his actions read he stands to do his wife and likely himself harm. I'm only saying that a band related message board is not the best place for the kind of advice he seems to need. I wasn't mocking him in the least. If anything I was mocking the sentiment that, "yay! you guys like wilco!! good for you!!!!1111" ie. "It's all good until fluids are exchanged." Which, as Alison pointed out really isn't the case at all. If his was a post about their mutual love of running or Bright Eyes the sentiment would have been perhaps clearer.

[Guest Speed Racer]

However much it may smack to some of this "emotional affair" or sliding that direction, I think other possibilities exist, such as a good and truly supportive friendship that Tucker is genuinely grieving.....this could also be the "truth". Tucker is the only one who really knows, and he's told us that an emotional affair isn't the case. Yes, it's possible he's in denial, but it isn't the only possibility! I'll save my "Crap, when did it become hip and fashionable to be deeply cynical?" rant for another time & spare you all and just say instead that not automatically assuming a worst-case scenario doesn't mean I'm naive. Just means I think the guy could be being honest and that's all there is to it. And yes, I admit to being hopeful that he's being on the level with his wife.

 

If the dude can't tell his wife/discuss it with her, I don't care what you call it as long as you acknowledge that there's something missing that he needs/they need to address as a couple.

[Col. Hapablap]

I certainly agree that there might be some sort of marital issue here. I also think that the possibility certainly exists where it could be just a very meaningful friendship. Something does seem just a little off here, however.

 

I do agree with Donna that a few of the comments are coming off as cynical or even a little mean. I mean "Get a pet?" That's just cold. C'mon, the poor guy is in pain here!

 

 

Never a dull day on this board.....

[kidsmoke]

If the dude can't tell his wife/discuss it with her, I don't care what you call it as long as you acknowledge that there's something missing that he needs/they need to address as a couple.

 

Oh, I would absolutely agree with that, but I just re-read Tucker's entire initial post, and other than him asking the coworker if she'd like to go to the Wilco show if his wife doesn't want to, I don't see anything where he comments on being unable or unwilling to discuss things with his wife. I don't think it's particularly a problem that he mentions the Wilco concert to his coworker....I got the sense that of course his wife was his first choice for a companion, but that he sensed she didn't enjoy it all that much. In that case, he might want to ask someone else....who likes to go to a concert alone? It seemed casual, not strategized. I assumed he just hadn't asked his wife about the show yet. That can happen in busy lives, when both partners work for instance.

 

Tucker does bemoan having "no one" to talk with about stuff like going to the Indy show....maybe that's where people are seeing a communication gap with his wife. I didn't take that part that way (and maybe I'm wrong here)....I took that to mean, "No one to talk to all day long at work, when before I had this friend who I was able to share stuff with". I've had jobs in my life, as I'd suspect many of us have, where a single good-friend-coworker (regardless of gender) made all the difference between a workday that was a real grind, and a workday that was a grind but pleasurable all the same, because of the friendship. I felt he was just grieving the loss of a good friend at his job. Understandable.

 

Agreed that if Tucker has made the coworker more of an emotional focus than his own wife, then he needs to seriously re-evaluate his priorities, and invest his energies in fixing their relationship. You'll get no argument from me there.

[embiggen]

if my husband had a female friend from work, which he does by the way, I would not be bothered by it. spouses can have close, platonic friendships with the opposite sex. personally, I have always had male friends and that didn't stop when I got married. however, when you can't talk about the friendship with your spouse, then there is a problem obviously. 2 cents.

[M. (hristine]

Maybe its all related to the 40-ish age and a desire for something new.

 

Did you guys even read this post? This is how you would describe platonic friendship?

 

You want to defend and condone this behavior?

 

Wow. I am truely shocked. Ya'll must have some pretty interesting marraiges out there.

[kidsmoke]

You're projecting way too much Donna. I'm not annoyed and I don't have "an opinion of the guy," as you put it. I'm saying that the way his actions read he stands to do his wife and likely himself harm. I'm only saying that a band related message board is not the best place for the kind of advice he seems to need. I wasn't mocking him in the least. If anything I was mocking the sentiment that, "yay! you guys like wilco!! good for you!!!!1111" ie. "It's all good until fluids are exchanged." Which, as Alison pointed out really isn't the case at all. If his was a post about their mutual love of running or Bright Eyes the sentiment would have been perhaps clearer.

 

I get your point, Gary, and I'll take you at your word. I felt like the guy was just sharing a tough situation. I didn't have the sense fluids were going to be exchanged, and he & the coworker didn't actually have a mutual love of Wilco....she was kinda "meh", remember? But yeah, he was saying how Wilco's music was tied up to this friendship in his mind. So again, I get your point.

 

I still just see this as a meaningful friendship (realizing I could be wrong) and if that's the case (as it well could be) then some of the posted comments are on the mean side. But I guess people might feel that this guy needs to be shaken awake, if he's in denial.

[kidsmoke]

Did you guys even read this post? You want to defend this? This is how you would describe platonic friendship?

 

I'm truely shocked.

 

Chris, I guess it's just the age-old problem of reading tone in a print medium. I didn't take that line as being serious in the least! If I had, I'd have felt very differently & said, "Whoa, Nelly, hie thee unto thy wife's side, fool!"

 

But how I read it was as Tucker gently & laughingly poking fun at himself....."Sheesh, am I having a mid-life crisis?" I also felt the comment referred more to Wilco, and wanting to start going to concerts more, than to the lady coworker. I've just re-read it and maybe it does refer to the coworker, but the writing, being of a stream-of-consciousness style, is kind of inconclusive to me.

 

If the "something new" this 40-ish guy wants is the coworker, he'd better think twice and be very sure he wants to wreak that havoc on himself, his wife, and whatever other family & friends he'll devastate.

 

If he's just looking for a bit of rebirth in a life that has grown predictable and dull (not referring to his marriage, here) then getting himself back out into the world by taking in some great, passionate concerts could be a really good, inspiring move. I would hope he'd go that route with his wife.

[M. (hristine]

I've just re-read it and maybe it does refer to the coworker, but the writing, being of a stream-of-consciousness style, is kind of inconclusive to me.

I guess I figured it was about his coworker because it was contained in the paragraph which started with the sentence:

My story is about her.

 

I am finished with this thread. It's been a pretty interesting read on the people who posted in it. Moreso than the was initial post in fact.

[j4lackey]

Well holy crap. Thanks a lot, Tucker!

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

Just kidding.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

KINDA

[Spawn's dad]

Sum up:

 

Welcome to VC. It's a great community of passionate people. Wilco is an awesome band, but more than that VC

is place to talk about all kinds of music, current and historical events. Life. Death. And the insanity in between. We even manage a political conversation or two

(sometimes without killing one another). But sometimes people come aboard and what they're looking for or what they need can best be found elsewhere...like

at home, or under the guidance of a knowledged professional (remember that one guy and the pink floyd thing?). Sometimes what we don't

think others can see can spill out from our voice, in our actions, or on the page. And perhaps one of the virtues of this place is that people

care enough to point it out.

 

That doesn't change the fact that VC is a great place for all the the other things; in fact it's a pretty darn good place to hang out,

pass the time and enjoy things that interest you.

 

So, welcome aboard. Good luck. Take solace in the fact that not everyone who shows up here gets this kind of detailed attention.

 

That'll be five cents.

 

[Nonlinear Nonfiction]

Well, there are two things going on here: 1) Tucker is upset about his co-worker; and 2) Tucker is threatening to stop listening to Wilco.

 

I prefer to comment on the latter dilemma:

 

I can only relate to this because there was a year way back when Bob Dylan made me stop listening to Wilco - Yes, that is right, Bob Zimmerman himself. Because of him, I actually put Wilco on pause for a while. At the time, my college roommate was relentlessly trying to turn me on to Bob Dylan in a whole new light - had me listening to bootlegs and watching all the necessary footage/documentaries for a whole year, reading lyrics and his autobiography, etc. The whole thing completely transformed me. While he was pushing Dylan 24 hours a day, I was busy pushing back with Tweedy. He had barely listened to Wilco before. We would stay up late laughing at each other over claims like "Tweedy is so much better than Dylan" or vice-versa. Oddly enough, after a few months I was the one claiming Dylan was greater and he was backing Tweedy in these arguments. Well, as I look back at the whole thing, I think I was refueling his Dylan appreciation (which was beginning to get pretty faded and worn over the years) while he was reigniting mine for Wilco. I no longer waste my time debating who is no. 1 anymore. Nothing will ever compare to those days listening to Wilco with Alex but we have since moved on. We're not even in the same state anymore. We're both very excited for SBS and we still talk about Wilco often. But, the fact of the matter is, we might never get to listen to Wilco together again like that. We'll meet up for a show sometime, I'm sure, as we did for the Thanksgiving show in Madison, WI last fall. Now, Tucker, listen here: You have a lot of Wilco yet to listen to. Download live shows. Download the demos. Rent or buy the documentaries. Read Learning How To Die. Listen to Uncle Tupelo, Goldensmog and Loose Fur. Pick up the Chelsae Walls soundtrack. Go to a show and beg your wife to go with (offer to take her to a musical or something in return - I recommend Spam-A-Lot or Wicked). Keep listening and move on. I promise the music will still be good. After all, even you said your co-worker didn't really even like Wilco all that much.

 

If you simply can't bring yourself to listen to Wilco anymore - or if you simply need a break. Start the healing process by watching Don't Look Back and reading Chronicles Vol. 1. Start listening to Bringing It All Back Home and work your way backwards and forwards from there.

 

Go. Do it. Feeling sorry for yourself is only going to make things worse - you might start watching MTV reality shows or something.

[Col. Hapablap]

Go. Do it. Feeling sorry for yourself is only going to make things worse - you might start watching MTV reality shows or something.

 

 

My God, man. You start watching that stuff, you might as well throw yourself over a cliff. That's like hitting bottom of a barrel. Whatever you do, DON'T do that.

[mpolak21]

After traumatic events I always find myself reaching for Foxtrot or Ghost is Born so even though I've certainly had moments, especially recently where I haven't wanted to listen to anything (and anything I did listen to really just sounded like the drone, except for the drone of course which kind of sounded like Vera Lynn's "We'll Meet Again, but I am digressing here), I always find myself coming back to Wilco. There's an amazing healing power for me in a lot of the songs and especially the full albums. There's a message of hope in the face of trauma that's pretty inspiring.

 

I should also acknowledge that Hate it Here as been a favorite of mine recently as well, though yeah it's not always easy listening to music that reminds you of the way things aren't. Leave Me Like You Found Me is also equally devastating in a good way, in fact anyone who's curious as to how my semester has gone should just listen to that song.

 

As far as what happened with your co-worker, I am sorry to hear about it. I had a very close friend like that this semester that things got a little complicated with (I'm not going into full details, just listen to Leave Me Like You Found Me) and it's incredibly tough losing an outlet like that. But you have support in other areas, and I'm kind of more in the Kidsmoke this just sounds like a close friendship camp, though I would certainly let your wife know about everything and make sure she's cool with it. As much as losing your friend hurts, I have a feeling losing your wife would be a hell of a lot worse, and if it isn't then you may have a problem.

 

The strangest damn things happen in this world sometimes and you just never know what's going to come next. As much as these feelings are killing you, there could be something great coming around the bend. There also could be something terrible (Tell your wife!), but you never know.

 

Until then Be Not so Fearful....

 

--Mike

[HighFives]

this is really weird seeing everyone talking about "Tucker" since that is also my name not a very common one so I keep thinking "what about me?" then "oh yeah the other Tucker"

[Guest Speed Racer]

this is really weird seeing everyone talking about "Tucker" since that is also my name not a very common one so I keep thinking "what about me?" then "oh yeah the other Tucker"

 

One might say that, after reading this thread, you are

 

 

 

 

 

 

wait...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

wait...

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

...all Tuckered out.

 

 

 

 

* I would like to extend a sincere and heartfelt apology to anyone my pun may have harmed or upset...

[HighFives]

haha it got a good laugh out of me.