W(TF) Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Have 2 tix for 10-15-2009 Massey Hall, I was planning to take my stepdaughter, she's just turned 12. But...she hasn't spoken to me in a week. She even unfriended me and blocked me on facebook. She wasn't too enthused about seeing Wilco in the first place (even tho some of her friends who she looks up to are fans and were at the Lewiston show). I'm just hoping things turn around and start to stabilize again, we're going through a difficult separation and she's pretty angry and bitter right now. I think seeing Wilco will blow her mind, she's never been to a real rock concert. Anyway, if she does go, I wanted to request a song for her. I was thinking Misunderstood, or possibly Wilco (The Song), or What Light. Can anyone [a] tell me how to find the link to do that on ww.net..I can't locate it, and is there any chance Jeff would dedicate the song to Liz? I know he does it for the solo shows. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Preferred B Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 http://wilcoworld.net/shows/request.php For future reference - go to the Shows page, click on the Info (or Sold Out) link for the show you're attending, and click on "Requests." There's a spot to explain why you're requesting the song. Good luck with your stepdaughter. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Maddie Hope Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Have 2 tix for 10-15-2009 Massey Hall, I was planning to take my stepdaughter, she's just turned 12. But...she hasn't spoken to me in a week. She even unfriended me and blocked me on facebook. She wasn't too enthused about seeing Wilco in the first place (even tho some of her friends who she looks up to are fans and were at the Lewiston show). I'm just hoping things turn around and start to stabilize again, we're going through a difficult separation and she's pretty angry and bitter right now. I think seeing Wilco will blow her mind, she's never been to a real rock concert. Anyway, if she does go, I wanted to request a song for her. I was thinking Misunderstood, or possibly Wilco (The Song), or What Light. Can anyone [a] tell me how to find the link to do that on ww.net..I can't locate it, and is there any chance Jeff would dedicate the song to Liz? I know he does it for the solo shows.Things will turn around, just never stop trying even when she says mean things, really she doesn't mean it, she is just hurting and they do grow up inspite of us... I hope she goes to the show with you, music transends when words can not... I don't know how I survived raising my kids, but we made it somehow. Now I'm terrified since I've taken on raising two grandchildren (2&3) because things are so different than when my kids where growing up. I thought I learned a thing or two that I could use raising the grandkids, however, it is a daily surprize with them... Good luck with your stepdaughter and here is the link to Request Page however if you click on "info" next to the show it has a little box that comes up and you can click "requests"... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mpolak21 Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 Vibes, dude. Hope everything works out for the better. I'd echo Maddie's comments, twelve is a pretty weird age emotionally anyway, I wouldn't take any of this too hard. --Mike Quote Link to post Share on other sites
W(TF) Posted September 21, 2009 Author Share Posted September 21, 2009 Thanks y'all. I found the link and requested Misunderstood for her. Fingers crossed for all the rest of it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theashtraysays Posted September 21, 2009 Share Posted September 21, 2009 If it makes you feel any better, it'll get worse. Then it will get better, then worse again, then possibly better again. Then on Wednesday.... Vibes... I feel your pain. Our oldest is a girl, now 17. Hang in there. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wilco Worshipper Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Wow...sorry to hear, Noam. Good luck...with ALL of it!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Alan Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 vibes brother Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 Have 2 tix for 10-15-2009 Massey Hall, I was planning to take my stepdaughter, she's just turned 12. But...she hasn't spoken to me in a week. She even unfriended me and blocked me on facebook. She wasn't too enthused about seeing Wilco in the first place (even tho some of her friends who she looks up to are fans and were at the Lewiston show). I'm just hoping things turn around and start to stabilize again, we're going through a difficult separation and she's pretty angry and bitter right now. I think seeing Wilco will blow her mind, she's never been to a real rock concert. Anyway, if she does go, I wanted to request a song for her. I was thinking Misunderstood, or possibly Wilco (The Song), or What Light. Can anyone [a] tell me how to find the link to do that on ww.net..I can't locate it, and is there any chance Jeff would dedicate the song to Liz? I know he does it for the solo shows. I don't know much about your situation, but...(redaction of very poor advice in respect to Ponch's advice)You have my thoughts and vibes/prayers. Sincerely Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ponch1028 Posted September 22, 2009 Share Posted September 22, 2009 I would be careful, however, about building up this show too much. I think everyone here is hopeful that it'd be a great experience and a temporary relief from the challenges she is facing right now. However, please be sure to listen to her. If she continues to be resistent about the show, I suspect you'd concede and not go with her. Right now, she is beginning to ask the three great questions all early adolescents face: "Who Am I?""Do I and My Choices Matter?""Where Do I Fit?" Those are tough questions that trip up most if not all adolescents even with the more ideal and comforting family/life circumstances. Bottomline, she needs to know first and foremost, that it's about you and her, not you and her going to a Wilco show, or doing something that you really want to do. She is probably struggling with the rawness of the separation and how decisions that adults make (without the consent of the children) directly affect their lives forever. Taking her to a Wilco show against her protests might reinforce that negative impression she's already struggling with. I hope that last statement does not come across as judgmental. I do not know your situation, but rather, I approach it as someone who has experience in pre-marital and marital counseling along with early to mid-adolescent outreach and counseling. If I was to give you any advice - it would be the art of compromise and negotiation. I think a great double outing would be to do a night out doing something she absolutely loves - with you and only you as her companion. Then, a night out at the Wilco concert doing something you absolutely love - and want to experience with her because you love her and want to share with her what you love. Offer that idea. Let her think about it for a day or two (or a week), and then see if she'll agree. Try it! p.s. If by some chance Jeff was able to dedicate a song to her, I think a couple other songs you might want to consider for her would be: In A Future Age or You And I or Jesus, etc. I just think some of the lyrics are pretty poignant for a 12 year-old dealing with what she's dealing with. Just my 2 cents. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
W(TF) Posted September 23, 2009 Author Share Posted September 23, 2009 Thanks for the kind words, it really means a lot to me folks. I certainly am not pushing on her about this (or anything else). My kid sister who went through a similar experience (and is now a social worker) always tells me, "kids don't want to hear 'I love you', then want to see proof of that." This is just another attempt to connect and do something memorable together. She'd rather see Taylow Swift, but I'm her dad and I know what she needs!! lol Her initial answer (by email) was "ummmm... maybe. I don't really like Wilco that much." She's been dying to shop at the Eaton Center which is right across the road, so we talked it over and I said hey we could do that for a few hrs and then go somewhere for dinner before the show. Make a day of it. So eventually I got a curt "I'll go." Then things got bad again and I've been dealing with some really difficult stuff the last 9 days or so, with her. p.s. I did consider You and I and Jesus Etc. In A Future Age is a great suggestion I hadn't thought about...it's one of the band's loveliest songs, to me. Thnx again - Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theashtraysays Posted October 26, 2009 Share Posted October 26, 2009 so how'd it go? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
W(TF) Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 Thanks for asking....she still hasn't really spoken to me in almost six weeks. So no, the concert didn't happen this time, and I do still need your vibes. Things are tough but I've been through worse, and we'll get through this. I do have a feeling at some point I'll be taking her to see someone like Pink or Taylor Swift, as part of my parental penance. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Speed Racer Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 I do have a feeling at some point I'll be taking her to see someone like Pink or Taylor Swift, as part of my parental penance. Each time you've made a remark like that in this thread (she "should" like Wilco, how she'd rather see Taylor Swift), it strikes me that you're not 100% listening to your daughter. The joy about hobbies and music (ESPECIALLY as a 12 year-old, when everyone in your life is telling you what you should do) is that music is 100% about enjoying it because you enjoy it, on your own terms - I'd wager that's one of the things you love about Wilco. That feeling can be cultivated, but why would you want to force it on someone? I LOVED Aerosmith as a 12 year-old. Bought every single one of their records before I was 13 (which, at the time, was about 20 CDs and a box-set - a lot of cash for a 12 year-old), and my parents never EVER said a damned thing, though I know now how crazy it made them. I understand you probably don't like Taylor Swift or Pink, and I can totally wrap my head around that, and I understand it was also likely and overstatement, but to talk about doing something for your daughter that would indulge her interests and hers alone, and call it parental penance, just made me uncomfortable. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wise Enough Posted October 27, 2009 Share Posted October 27, 2009 My dad and I are concert buddies. We have a deal going, where I get the tickets and he pays for them. Might sound like I have the better deal, but I'm the one who has to spend ages queing up for U2 or AC/DC. It means we're each exposed to music we wouldn't have normally gone to. He went to Robbie Williams (please don't savage me!), and I went to Deep Purple for example (what?? did someone say something??? can't hear anymore). Its nice bonding time, and I always have someone to go to concerts with me when my friends turn up their noses. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
W(TF) Posted October 27, 2009 Author Share Posted October 27, 2009 Thanks you guys, I agree with both comments and appreciate you comrades taking some of your time and energy to even think about the situation (which I haven't even described in much detail). Lauren you are right that my tone about Liz's musical interests doesn't fit the picture very well here, and reflects pretty badly on me as a parent. In general I support ALL her choices, and have done my best not to tease her or try to push my agenda on her. When I say "penance" I am actually not joking though, I've managed of late to hurt some of my loved ones in significant ways (not intentionally), and I do have damages to repair, especially with my kids and with Liz most of all. The irony is that this particular episode all started on 9/14, the day I took Liz into Toronto to see a screening of Whip It at the film fest- something that was definitely *for her* much more than for me, and an event that we both enjoyed a lot but that has turned into a strange, bitter and sweet memory of being our last good time together. The details of 'the rest of the story', and entire background, is exhausting to retell (and hear), and out of my comfort zone to post on a wide open public forum. Suffice to say that the Massey Hall show became the least of my concerns and that was weeks before the band rolled into town. In the executive summary I could say that it so happens both my 12yo and I have each been undergoing some major personal difficulties simultaneously (over the past year and a half), and that neither of us has been able to give the other the kind of support that we both want to be able to give. We have a 9 year bond of love. We've both lost, won, and grown up in this time..with more repeat doses of the same on the menu. It will get better again. (...alternatively, I could just say that "I'm the adult" and take all responsibility for all the pain in everyone's life...and most likely drown in depression and inertia. I choose to sell myself the other version and to keep reaching out and believing/hoping that there soon comes a time and a mutual stated desire for reconciliation that will eventually lead to a more meaningful and real path of life. Probably makes no sense to read that, but the rest is so brutally complicated and intertwined I would need several hours to explain it properly. Look for the book at Borders in 2018) Peace and thank you again for caring about my family. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theashtraysays Posted October 29, 2009 Share Posted October 29, 2009 Peace, indeed. Hang in there. Enjoy all the good times you get. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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