Jump to content

Jokes

lamradio

By lamradio,
in Tongue-Tied Lightning

 Share Followers 1

Recommended Posts

  • Replies 71
  • Created
  • Last Reply

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

Top Posters In This Topic

Popular Days

sonicshoulder

sonicshoulder

Posted
Posted

I get chills thinking about the current most powerful person on the planet.

I agree,not to get to political in a non political forum but politics is about the lesser of two evils. I'm only 30 but I can't ever remember having more confidence in one canidate than I did doubt in the other. I often wonder back in the day, did people really like let's just say James Buchanan...or really not like Millard Fillmore.

Link to post
Share on other sites
bjorn_skurj

bjorn_skurj

Posted
Posted

The election of Abraham Lincoln started a war, so I would say in that case at least, yes.

Link to post
Share on other sites
lamradio

lamradio

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I agree,not to get to political in a non political forum but politics is about the lesser of two evils. I'm only 30 but I can't ever remember having more confidence in one canidate than I did doubt in the other. I often wonder back in the day, did people really like let's just say James Buchanan...or really not like Millard Fillmore.

 

I'm with you. The elections have always felt that way to me; voting for the lesser of two evils. And still I watch the debates every election expecting one of the candidates to really impress me... But I guess it would be impossible to really like a candidate.. This country is a giant beast that no one can really tame...

Link to post
Share on other sites
lamradio

lamradio

Posted
  • Author
Posted

This thread is like opening up the comics section and finding a bunch of editorials.

 

WHAT HAPPENED TO THE FUNNIES PEOPLE?????

 

An oldie but a goodie:

 

A soldier came to a fork in the road and saw a nun standing there. He asked her, "Please Sister, may I hide under your skirts for a few minutes. I'll explain why later."

 

The nun agreed to his request. Shortly thereafter, the two MPs came running a long and asked her if she had seen a soldier running down the road. She replied, "He went that way."

 

After the MPs disappeared, the soldier crawled out from under her skirt and said." I can't thank you enough Sister, but you see I don't want to go to Iraq." The nun said she understood.

 

The GI said, "I hope you don't think me rude or impertinent, but you have the most beautiful pair of legs I've ever seen!"

 

The nun replied," If you had looked a little higher, you would have seen the most beautiful pair of balls you've ever seen! I don't want to go to Iraq either!"

Link to post
Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo

Sweet Papa Crimbo

Posted
Posted

Mr. Cikoch was a biology instructor at a snobby suburban girl's junior college. During class one day he asked his student, "Miss Simison, would you please name the organ of the human body, which under the appropriate conditions, expands to six times its normal size, and define

the conditions."

 

Miss Simison gasped, and then said, "Mr. Cikoch, I don't think that is a proper question to ask me. I assure you my parents will hear of this."

With that she sat down red-faced. Mr. Cikoch then called on Miss Hakar and asked the same question. Miss Hakar, with composure, replied, "The pupil of the eye, in dim light."

 

"Correct," said Mr. Cikoch. "And now, Miss Simison, I have three things to say to you. One, you have not studied your lesson. Two, you have

a dirty mind. And three, you will some day be faced with a dreadful disappointment."

Link to post
Share on other sites
u2roolz

u2roolz

Posted
Posted

On a cold September afternoon Precocious Little Johnny was sitting in Science class about to be asked a question by his favorite teach Ms. Shaw.

Ms. Shaw: Class? Who here can tell me the male reproductive organ?

Precocious Little Johnny: I can, Miss Shaw!

Ms. Shaw: Ok, Johnny....go ahead.

Precocious Little Johnny: the penis.

Ms. Shaw: And..that is correct!

Precocious Little Johnny (interrupting Ms. Shaw): My daddy has 2 of them.

Ms. Shaw (stunned): What's that Little Johnny? I'm sure that isn't possible.

Precocious Little Johnny: Yes, he does! He has 2. The little one he uses to pee pee. And the bigger one mommy uses to brush her teeth with.

Ms. Shaw: :dontgetit

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...
lamradio

lamradio

Posted
  • Author
Posted

To my Liberal Friends:

 

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

 

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

 

 

To My Conservative Friends:

 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

Link to post
Share on other sites
froggie

froggie

Posted
Posted

To my Liberal Friends:

 

Please accept with no obligation, implied or explicit, my best wishes for an environmentally conscious, socially responsible, low-stress, non-addictive, gender-neutral celebration of the winter solstice holiday, practiced within the most enjoyable traditions of the religious persuasion of your choice, or secular practices of your choice, with respect for the religious/secular persuasion and/or traditions of others, or their choice not to practice religious or secular traditions at all.

 

I also wish you a fiscally successful, personally fulfilling and medically uncomplicated recognition of the onset of the generally accepted calendar year 2011 but not without due respect for the calendars of choice of other cultures whose contributions to society have helped make America great. Not to imply that America is necessarily greater than any other country nor the only America in the Western Hemisphere. Also, this wish is made without regard to the race, creed, color, age, physical ability, religious faith or sexual preference of the wishee.

 

 

To My Conservative Friends:

 

Merry Christmas and a Happy New Year!

 

:lol

Link to post
Share on other sites
lamradio

lamradio

Posted
  • Author
Posted

A woman says to her doctor: kiss me

 

the doctor says: sorry I can't

 

a few minutes later the woman says: doctor, pleas! kiss me.

 

doctor: I told you I can't!

 

a few minutes later the woman says: doctor please! just once I'm begging you! kiss me!

 

doctor: look, I probably shouldn't even be f*cking you!

 

:rotfl

Link to post
Share on other sites
lamradio

lamradio

Posted
  • Author
Posted

A couple, both 67, went to a sex therapist's office. The doctor asked, "What can I do for you?" The man said, "Will you watch us have sexual intercourse?" The doctor looked puzzled, but agreed. The doctor examined them and then directed them to disrobe and go at it. When the couple finished, the doctor reexamined them and, upon completion, advised the couple, "There's nothing wrong with the way you have intercourse." He then charged them $32. This happened several weeks in a row. The couple would make an appointment, have intercourse with no apparent problems other than the lack of vigor which is to be expected in 67 year-olds, get dressed, pay the doctor, and then leave. Finally after almost two months of this routine, the doctor asked, "Just exactly what are you trying to find out?" The old man said, "Oh, we're not trying to find out anything. She's married and we can't go to her house. I'm married, so we can't go to my house. The Holiday Inn charges $60. The Hilton charges $78. We do it here for $32 and I get $28 back from Medicaid.

Link to post
Share on other sites
gogo

gogo

Posted
Posted

An old man gets home, and finds his wife jumping around, dancing, laughing her head off. He asks "what the hell are you so excited about?" She says "I just got home from the doctor, he told me I've got the breasts of a 30 year old." "And what did he have to say about your 75 year old ass?" "Oh honey, we didn't talk about you at all."

Link to post
Share on other sites
lamradio

lamradio

Posted
  • Author
Posted

An older, white haired man walked into a jewelry store this past Friday evening with a beautiful much younger gal at his side. He told the jeweler he was looking for a special ring for his girlfriend. The jeweler looked through his stock and brought out a $5,000 ring.

 

The old man said, 'No, I'd like to see something more special.'

 

At that statement, the jeweler went to his special stock and brought another ring over. 'Here's a stunning ring at only $40,000 the jeweler said. The lady's eyes sparkled and her whole body trembled with excitement. The old man seeing this said, 'We'll take it.'

 

The jeweler asked how payment would be made and the old man stated, 'by check. I know you need to make sure my check is good, so I'll write it now and you can call the bank Monday to verify the funds and I'll pick the ring up Monday afternoon.'

 

On Monday morning, the jeweler angrily phoned the old man and said 'There's no money in that account.'

 

'I know,' said the old man, "But let me tell ya, I had a hell of a weekend!'

Link to post
Share on other sites
  • 2 weeks later...

Join the conversation

You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.

Guest
Reply to this topic...

×   Pasted as rich text.   Paste as plain text instead

  Only 75 emoji are allowed.

×   Your link has been automatically embedded.   Display as a link instead

×   Your previous content has been restored.   Clear editor

×   You cannot paste images directly. Upload or insert images from URL.

Loading...
×
 Share
Followers 1
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...