kidsmoke Posted June 13, 2017 Share Posted June 13, 2017 Hi all, are you suffering the brain-numbing effects of listening to our attorney general's testimony today? I know I am. In the interest of reclaiming our grey matter from the governmental dementors among us, I propose a game! A game which will call upon your higher thinking processes, as well as your wit and humor! An irreststable exercise in thinking beyond rectangular cardboard containers! This game is inspired by a phrase some of us here coined years ago, to encourage those who were having trouble getting to some Wilco show somewhere. We would tell them, "You can do it! Where there's a Wilco, there's a way!" (That would make a great t-shirt.) THE RULES: I am providing a list of 10 common aphorisms. Each has a break to indicate where it is split in half. Using either half, you are to create a brand new aphorism, using half of an aphorism, combined with a Wilco song title or lyric to make a whole new, Wilco-esque aphorism. The sort of thing we can say to our children when they are in need of guidance through life! Here, let me demonstrate: Using the front half of "You can't make an omelet-----without breaking eggs" and a bit of ashtray's favorite song, we get: "You can't make an omelet without a bull black Nova" Alternatively, you could use the back half of the aphorism, "...without breaking eggs". That might produce a gem like: "I'm going to walk away slowly, without breaking eggs" Ok, enough out of me. We need a summertime game! Have at these carefully selected aphorisms. No changing or words or tenses, no adding words. The aphorisms you are invited to mangle: 1. If you can't stand the heat,------get out of the kitchen 2. You can lead a horse to water------but you can't make it drink 3. When the cat's away,------the mice will play 4. You can't make an omelet------without breaking eggs 5. If you lie down with dogs,------you wake up with fleas 6. It's not over until------the fat lady sings 7. In the country of the blind,------the one-eyed man is king 8. People who live in glass houses------shouldn't throw stones 9. If wishes were horses,------beggars would ride 10. When your only tool is a hammer------every problem looks like a nail Ok, please entertain us with your cleverness! I can't wait to see what your fevered brains devise! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dagwave Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 Outside I look lived in.... the fat lady sings. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Magnetized Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 When you lie down with dogs...but I promise we're just friends Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Albert Tatlock Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 If you can't stand the heat, you can't stand it. When the cat's away, it's far, far away. You can't make an omelette when you wake up feeling old. It's not over until the roses bloom again. People in glass houses, shouldn't twirl their baton. In the land of the blind, the cross-eyed stranger is king. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
brownie Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 You can lead a horse to water....via Chicago. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lost highway Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 You can't make an omelet and I've been puking. If you can't stand the heat, you can't stand it. I think Yogi Berra once said that. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
choo-choo-charlie Posted June 14, 2017 Share Posted June 14, 2017 I was gonna say "I climb back into the yolk ... without breaking eggs" before I realized the lyric is "yoke" and not "yolk." I learned a new word today. So, how about "if you lie down with dogs ... drag your blanket blindly." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted June 14, 2017 Author Share Posted June 14, 2017 These are wonderful. You all have deliciously twisted minds! Somebody do one with the hammer aphorism. That one is just begging for a Wilco revision. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
choo-choo-charlie Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 "I must be high ... every problem looks like a nail." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
choo-choo-charlie Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 "When your only tool is a hammer ... is it really punk rock?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
choo-choo-charlie Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 Ok, one more: "You can't make an omelet and freeze to spread skeleton wings." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted June 15, 2017 Author Share Posted June 15, 2017 Well you can as long as you've already turned off the heat I suppose. But depending on how long you stay frozen, that omelette's gonna get cold. Great job with the hammer aphorisms! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theashtraysays Posted June 15, 2017 Share Posted June 15, 2017 When your only tool is a hammer, there's blood in the sink. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
choo-choo-charlie Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 When your only tool is a hammer, there's blood in the sink.Ooooooooooooooh that's a good one Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 Vince. it's like you know those "Bull Black Nova" lyrics forwards and backwards! Also when a man uses a hammer, there's often blood in the sink, usually his. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Magnetized Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 The fat lady sings, but you're such a good talker. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ladyC Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 There's blood in the sink...get out of the kitchen!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theashtraysays Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 Also when a man uses a hammer, there's often blood in the sink, usually his.Exactly! There's blood in the sink...get out of the kitchen!!I like the way you think. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
choo-choo-charlie Posted June 16, 2017 Share Posted June 16, 2017 "When the cat's away, panthers build their blood to bury." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted June 16, 2017 Author Share Posted June 16, 2017 You can lead a horse to water, but you still never know where your soul is attached. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
lost highway Posted June 17, 2017 Share Posted June 17, 2017 I attack with love, pure bug beauty, you wake up with fleas. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 I attack with love, pure bug beauty, you wake up with fleas. Well I think you got the better end of that deal! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted June 17, 2017 Author Share Posted June 17, 2017 Now I know I made a mistake - the one-eyed man is king! A little socio-political humor for y'all. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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