Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 It's interesting that you could substitute the name of any child star from the 70's on here and the story would still make sense. Travis the Pet Chimpanzee Goes on a Rampage A 200lb pet chimpanzee named Travis, who was computer savvy, toilet trained, and liked to drink wine from a stemmed glass, went on a crazed rampage yesterday which ended in tragedy. Travis Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Winston Legthigh Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Come in Travis! "One of these days I'm gonna get myself organizized. All the animals come out at night.Queens, fairies, dopers, junkies, sick venal.Some day a real rain will come and wash all the scum off the streets. Thank god for the rain to wash the trash off the sidewalk. Listen you screwheads:Here is a man who would not take it anymore.A man who stood up against the scum, the filth.Now I see clearly." Quote Link to post Share on other sites
embiggen Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 people really shouldn't have chimps as pets. when I was a kid, the Pass Pets in our mall had some kind of monkey for sale as a pet. I was stupid enough to stick my face up to the cage and it clocked me good. I saw stars. I love monkeys, but they are mean. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mfwahl Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Robtots, now Chimps? Fucking PANTHER was right. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Robtots, now Chimps? Fucking PANTHER was right. Don Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mfwahl Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Eco-terrorism Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 So you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 I think the safest course of action is not to anthropomorphize animals. The chimp is not your little buddy, not your surrogate child. It is a noble, strong, WILD creature. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Lancelot Link would eat your face and rip off your manparts as fast as a chimp in the wild... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Lancelot Link would eat your face and rip off your manparts as fast as a chimp in the wild... Yes, but unlike his wild counterpart, Lance would do it wearing a smart fedora. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted February 17, 2009 Author Share Posted February 17, 2009 Yes, but unlike his wild counterpart, Lance would do it wearing a smart fedora. Yeah...but if one's man parts are ripped off, I don't think a smart fedora will be much consolation. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
poppydawn Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I was all pissed off about the Travis incident last night, and how awful it is for people to keep wild animals as pets. And yet now? I'm laughing. Hard. In public. It's a damn shame Travis attacked a visitor instead of the dumbass who thought having a monkey for a pet was a smart move. Travis was probably sick to death of having to wear underpants. I know I would be. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bjorn_skurj Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 The New York Post front page really knocked it out of the park today: http://www.nypost.com/seven/02172009/frontback.htm Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mountain bed Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Travis was probably sick to death of having to wear underpants. I know I would be. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 The New York Post front page really knocked it out of the park today: http://www.nypost.com/seven/02172009/frontback.htm Their display of tactful restraint is commendable. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bjorn_skurj Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 Their display of tactful restraint is commendable.The blurb on the front page starts off with "Ape of Wrath!" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Stewart Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 The blurb on the front page starts off with "Ape of Wrath!" Maybe if they score a pic of the victim's face they can splash "Prime-Ate!" across it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
embiggen Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I was all pissed off about the Travis incident last night, and how awful it is for people to keep wild animals as pets. And yet now? I'm laughing. Hard. In public. It's a damn shame Travis attacked a visitor instead of the dumbass who thought having a monkey for a pet was a smart move. Travis was probably sick to death of having to wear underpants. I know I would be. also, didn't the chimp just wanna go outside? and the woman gave him a xanax? hello!? do what the monkey says! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 also, didn't the chimp just wanna go outside? and the woman gave him a xanax? hello!? do what the monkey says! Absolutely. The first rule of monkey ownership is, if the monkey wants something, the monkey gets that something. I mean, these things have the mental capacity of a toddler, with the strength and temperament of like, a fern green Lou Ferrigno on steroids. Like this chimp, most of the time, my daughter is as sweet as pie, but at least once a day she throws a tantrum, and I cannot help but think I would capitulate to her demands more often if she, like this chimp, could rip my face off and toss me over the couch and through the sliding glass back door and then 15 hard feet to the ground. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dude Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 It's comforting knowing our health insurance rates steadily climb while idiots attempt to domesticate wild animals (chimps, pythons, gators, etc) with disastrous results. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 They did mention at our last benefit meeting that our healthcare cost increases were directly attributable to non-domestic pet attacks. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Edie Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I wonder what Carlos thinks Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mountain bed Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 I wonder what Carlos thinks He would think it is something, is my guess. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Dude Posted February 17, 2009 Share Posted February 17, 2009 They did mention at our last benefit meeting that our healthcare cost increases were directly attributable to non-domestic pet attacks. That and baby-crazy mothers who implant gazillion embryos into their wombs. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Recommended Posts
Join the conversation
You can post now and register later. If you have an account, sign in now to post with your account.