She was the meanest cat, In old Chicago town

[embiggen]

Don't you have some now defunct tv series you should be quoting from or something?

 

don't you have some women to objectify?

[JUDE]

don't you have some women to objectify?

 

Only Jon Bennett.

[darkstar]

Only Jon Bennett.

 

 

Jeeeeeeesus........you wouldn't happen to be typing that from a jail cell in LA would you? John Mark is that you?

[embiggen]

Only Jay Bennett.

[Albert Tatlock]

oh my dear god!

Just goes to show - city kids today

In VW back in the day that bus shelter would have been given such a good seeing to that it would have ended up in the creek I'm sure.

[WITHIK]

Don't you have some now defunct tv series you should be quoting from or something?

[Mr. Kinsley]

oh my dear god!

[Mr. Kinsley]

Calvin's (as in '& Hobbes')dad explains scientific phenomenon

--------------------------------------------------------------------------------

 

Calvin's © Dad's (D) "scientific" explanations.

 

C: Why do my eyes shut when I sneeze?

D: If your lids weren't closed, the force of the explosion would blow your eyeballs out and

stretch the optic nerve, so your eyes would flop around and you'd have to point them

with your hands to see anything.

 

C: How do bank machines work?

D: Well, let's say you want 25 dollars. You punch in the amount and behind the machine

there's a guy with a printing press who makes the money and sticks it out this slot.

C: Sort of like the guy who lives up in our garage and opens the door?

D: Exactly.

 

C: What causes the wind?

D: Trees sneezing.

 

C: Why does ice float?

D: Because it's cold. Ice wants to get warm, so it goes to the top of liquids to be nearer

to the sun.

 

C: How do they know the load limit on bridges, Dad?

D: They drive bigger and bigger trucks over the bridge until it breaks. Then they weigh the

last truck and rebuild the bridge.

 

C: Why does the sun set?

D: It's because hot air rises. The sun's hot in the middle of the day, so it rises high in the

sky. In the evening then, it cools down and sets.

C: Why does it go from east to west?

D: Solar wind.

 

C: Why does the sky turn red as the sun sets?

D: That's all the oxygen in the atmosphere catching fire.

C: Where does the sun go when it sets?

D: The sun sets in the west. In Arizona actually, near Flagstaff.

C: Oh.

D: That's why the rocks there are so red.

C: Don't the people get burned up?

D: No, the sun goes out as it sets. That's why it is dark at night.

C: Doesn't the sun crush the whole state when it lands?

D: Ha ha, of course not. Hold a quarter up. See, the sun's just about the same size.

C: I thought I read that the sun was really big.

D: You can't believe everything you read, I'm afraid.

C: So how does the sun rise in the east if it lands in Arizona each night?

D: Well, time for bed.

 

C: Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color

film back then?

D: Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just the WORLD was

black and white then.

C: Really?

D: Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy

color for a while, too.

C: That's really weird.

D: Well, truth is stranger than fiction.

C: But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't

artists have painted it that way?

D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.

C: But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have

been shades of gray back then?

D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else in the '30s.

C: So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?

D: Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

 

C: Dad, will you explain the theory of relativity to me? I don't understand why time goes

slower at greater speed.

D: It's because you keep changing time zones. See, if you fly to California, you gain three

hours on a five-hour flight, right? So if you go at the speed of light, you gain MORE time,

because it doesn't take as long to get there. Of course, the theory of relativity only

works if you're going west.

 

C: How come you know so much?

D: It's all in the book you get when you become a father.

[JUDE]

 

It's O.K. WITHIK, I understand you better now:

 

Signs and Symptoms of Fetal Alcohol Syndrome

Characteristics of children with FAS include:

 

poor socialization skills, such as difficulty building and maintaining friendships and relating to groups

lack of imagination or curiosity

learning difficulties, including poor memory, inability to understand concepts such as time and money, poor language comprehension, poor problem-solving skills

behavioral problems, including hyperactivity, inability to concentrate, social withdrawal, stubbornness, impulsiveness, and anxiety

[EL the Famous]

You first.

 

[deepseacatfish]

C: Dad, how come old photographs are always black and white? Didn't they have color

film back then?

D: Sure they did. In fact, those old photographs ARE in color. It's just the WORLD was

black and white then.

C: Really?

D: Yep. The world didn't turn color until sometime in the 1930s, and it was pretty grainy

color for a while, too.

C: That's really weird.

D: Well, truth is stranger than fiction.

C: But then why are old PAINTINGS in color?! If the world was black and white, wouldn't

artists have painted it that way?

D: Not necessarily. A lot of great artists were insane.

C: But... but how could they have painted in color anyway? Wouldn't their paints have

been shades of gray back then?

D: Of course, but they turned colors like everything else in the '30s.

C: So why didn't old black and white photos turn color too?

D: Because they were color pictures of black and white, remember?

 

This one has always been one of my favorites.

[WITHIK]

It's O.K. WITHIK, I understand you better now:

Don't you have some cheerleading practices to watch with your video camera?

[oceanman]

Ham sammich from Easter.............or Hot Dogs for three days in a row?

[M. (hristine]

 

[EL the Famous]

 

 

I don't know what 'blend your truck' means, but count me in.

 

and, WITHIK, King of the Comebacks.

[bjorn_skurj]

oh my dear god!

It's things like this that have held back mass transit in this country.

[Analogman]

Just goes to show - city kids today

In VW back in the day that bus shelter would have been given such a good seeing to that it would have ended up in the creek I'm sure.

 

 

that's WV

 

there are at least 2 better stories from the appalachain ghetto that are better than that:

 

1. The time they tied some wire across the end of a bridge to catch a dude on a motorcycle.

2. The time they made a burning wall of fire across the road.

[Gobias Industries]

Toooo much homework the first day of school :(

[Analogman]

Toooo much homework the first day of school :(

 

8th grade is a crazy time

[j4lackey]

1. The time they tied some wire across the end of a bridge to catch a dude on a motorcycle.

So what happened?

[deepseacatfish]

The French Landed on the Moon First

[j4lackey]

8th grade is a crazy time

8.89

[Gobias Industries]

8.89

 

2(8.89) - 5.78 = Grade Level

[bjorn_skurj]

2(8.89) - 5.78 = Grade Level

Damn! Don't see much algebra on this board.

[bobbob1313]

2(8.89) - 5.78 = Grade Level

 

Ah, I remember 12th grade.