Tucker Posted April 20, 2007 Share Posted April 20, 2007 Except for a question or two and a comment or two, I haven Quote Link to post Share on other sites
candyflosser Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Dude, .....uh get a pet..... or something..... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
blindgonzo Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Hey, I don't know if you were actually looking for a reply, or just felt the need to put your feelings in writing...either way, I'm sorry you're feeling shitty. I'm sorry you've lost a friend. I'm sorry that Wilco's music seems to be intrinsically mingled with memories of your friend, but maybe one day you'll be able to listen to it with new ears and find a deeper (or maybe just a different) appreciation for the music. And maybe you won't. I don't know. If you're ever feeling the need to talk to people about all of the tiny details about Wilco and their music, then you should pop up here more often! That's what we all seem to thrive on, and this is a great community to share the obsession that is Wilco, when other "non-Wilco people" will just roll their eyes at us. I hope you feel better...and I hope that you can find a way to make it to the concert in Indy if you feel up to it. It could turn out to be the catalyst for a new way of experiencing Wilco. Here's to feeling better!!! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
alison the wilca Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 it sounds to me like you've had an emotional affair. if my husband had that kind of connection with another woman, I would be deeply hurt and very upset. Â you're going to need to learn to forget about this office woman and turn the focus back on your wife. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jethro Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 But that Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Reni Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 it sounds to me like you've had an emotional affair. if my husband had that kind of connection with another woman, I would be deeply hurt and very upset.  you're going to need to learn to forget about this office woman and turn the focus back on your wife. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Willkoman Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Because of a stupid, stupid act on her part (unlike her, by the way; a fit of idiocy took over apparently), she was walked out of the building yesterday. I wasn Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dixiecupdrinker Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Dude... You aren't the least bit paranoid that your wife could happen upon this and know about you and your special friend? I'm not slaggin' on ya, am just curious. Do you share a computer at home that she can see VC in your history or anything? dcd Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wendy Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 I believe you can have a meaningful friendship with someone of the opposite sex without emotionally betraying your spouse. However, it sounds more to me that you are having a love affair with music and that you enjoy discussing it with other people, especially this person (who happens to be female) at work, where you spend a lot of time. Â So welcome to VC -- you're in the right place. Â I say ask your wife to go to the show. If she says no, then either ask your old fired friend (on the up-and-up with your wife's knowledge and support), or ask another person to go. Or come by yourself and meet up with other VCers before the show. You can talk about Wilco to your heart's content with us and we won't roll our eyes at you. Promise! Â Sorry you lost your work friend. Maybe a new one will take her place soon. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 I know I'm swimming upstream here, but I've gotta say, I have had coworkers who made all the difference in being able to face the daily grind of jobs that weren't fabulous. Am I the only one who sees a friend just grieving for the loss of a deep, good, supportive friendship? Does everything in modern society have to have sexual connotations? I've felt as Tucker is describing when good neighbors moved away, and trust me, there was no affair going on, emotional or otherwise.....it was simply a strong connection between two people who happened to "get" one another. It's sad when circumstances beyond our control break a good connection in life. That said, only Tucker knows if this connection goes beyond. Tucker, there's no reason, regardless of gender, that you can't continue this friendship (although your wife needs to be ok with it of course, and you need to be clear that it really is, and will remain, purely a friendship). Sounds like the poor woman could use a friend & some support right now. Can any appeal be made to management on her behalf, or is her infraction too severe to be helped? There's probably nothing you can do....I really sympathize. I know what you mean about feeling as if the music is colored by the situation. I have a really difficult time listening to music I love, if I'm in a bad place in my life. What happens is my brain ties the sadness and the music together, and in the future I have a hard time listening to the music without it calling up the associated sadness. Consequently, if I'm really low, I tend not to listen to much music at all in those times. Which of course sucks, because there is little that is more effective at lifting sadness than music that really speaks to the soul. Eventually I always remember that & put the music back on, and then the music is less the soundtrack to sadness, and instead is the soundtrack to healing from the sadness. Put the music back on, Tucker. Let it help. Good luck getting through this rough patch. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mountain bed Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 What kidsmoke said. There's been many times when Jeff's music has made me think about lost friends or family, and left me nearly in tears. There was a while there when the chorus to Hummingbird would tear me up (remember to remember me)... but I consider that to be really therapeutic myself. Let that music wash over you man. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
dan_in_colorado Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 you hip to jeff's cover of "threw it all away" by dylan. check it out. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
HighFives Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 My name is Tucker also so I am sure you are a good guy. Any way same thing (sorta) happened to me about a year and a half ago when my girlfriend of 2 years and I broke up. I shared with her my love of wilco intensely and get her hooked as well. When we broke up I didn't listen to them for about 5 months which was crazy considering I listened to them every day since I first heard being there in between the time summerteeth came out and YHF leaked. But then one day I was like hmm I need to listen to wilco again so I did then since that day I've not missed maybe but a few days of not listening to them. Now I am pretty sure your post wasn't about it sucking you can't listen to wilco anymore as much as it was losing a friend. but I thought I would speak my story. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spawn's dad Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Unless there's penetration....                  Post this stuff on a relationship board. Its connection to wilco, or music, is tangential at best. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
socbret Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Unless there's penetration....Post this stuff on a relationship board. Its connection to wilco, or music, is tangential at best.cerebral penetration.  emotional fascism.  Quote Link to post Share on other sites
kidsmoke Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Unless there's penetration....Post this stuff on a relationship board. Its connection to wilco, or music, is tangential at best. I don't see it this way at all. How Wilco affects someone's life is definitely "connected" to Wilco. You are of course entitled to your opinion, but there's room here at VC for several types of people.... I say live & let live. Intolerance has been done to death. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j4lackey Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Unless there's penetration....Post this stuff on a relationship board. Its connection to wilco, or music, is tangential at best.My grandmother was no Buddhist, but she used to say "If you can't say anything nice.... etc". Quote Link to post Share on other sites
M. (hristine Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 My grandmother was no Buddhist, but she used to say "If you can't say anything nice.... etc". I'll take some responsibility for that post. I dared him to. I agree with the message, and the stark shock of the delivery. An emotional affair for a married man is often more damaging to the marraige than a sexual affair. And my guess is his wife has no idea. If Tucker was my husband and I read that post, I would be heartbroken. Nice enough? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
theashtraysays Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 ... helped me understand my wife better and helped me keep focused on my wife. Hey, if you understand your wife better then that's a beautiful thing. Love her better, love her forever, and listen to smushy love songs with her. You may even find a couple of those from your new favorite band Wilco. Take her to the show. Give her a big hug when Jeff says "I love you Susie" when they start ITMWLY or if they play something like Reservations or Walken. And be wary of deep emotional relationships with women who aren't your wife. Sorry, but 40 year old married guys don't do well in those. That movie has the same ending over and over.  One nice thing about this board is that you'll certainly get an assortment of opinions, but nobody's gonna blow sunshine up your proverbial skirt. If you're OK with that, then you're in the right place. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j4lackey Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 It's been interesting reading these replies. Good for Tucker to get some thinking women's points of view. I definitely see the risk of it being an emotional affair, and was happy that he was gently admonished for risking that. We don't know that that's what it was for certain, but taking her to a Wilco concert instead of his wife certainly has the possibility of being an extremely slippery slope. We don't know that his wife would be heartbroken if she read this, as he seems to think she is aware of the situation. But you're right, an emotional affair can be devastating, and not worth the risk (especially if she is into hair bands at this point in the game). I think you (MChris) get Gary's sense of humor and tone better than us here who have never met him (or at least better than I). I just thought the guy was opening up and reaching out, and got some good edumacation and a bit of a "welcome/word to the wise" in reply, and Gary's dismissal and invitation to take it somewhere else could be contrued as a bit harsh and certainly not helpful. Maybe I misconstrued, as he did not include any smilies. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
M. (hristine Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 We don't know that his wife would be heartbroken if she read this, as he seems to think she is aware of the situation.If this was something he and his wife were comfortable discussing, my intuition tells me he wouldn't be asking for our advice, and he wouldn't feel conflicted about the situation.  Or maybe this gave it away: Maybe its all related to the 40-ish age and a desire for something new.    Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spawn's dad Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 I wasn't being humorous in the least. still, sad that anyone would see that as intolerant. Is truth really such a bad thing? As has been pointed out from the word go in this thread, it's pretty unlikely the mrs. would be supportive of the relationship, and it certainly comes off in writing as an emotional affair. Having spent quite a fair amount of time on relationship boards and dealing with people going through the same sort of (sounding) things they tend to be indicative of some pretty serious negative undercurrents in an marriage. Tucker needs some better advice than he seems to be getting. These things tend to go from grey to black and white pretty quickly. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MrRain422 Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 Dude, .....uh get a pet..... or something.....  Dead on. Probably should have been the end of the thread. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Reni Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 I wasn't being humorous in the least. still, sad that anyone would see that as intolerant. Is truth really such a bad thing? As has been pointed out from the word go in this thread, it's pretty unlikely the mrs. would be supportive of the relationship, and it certainly comes off in writing as an emotional affair. Having spent quite a fair amount of time on relationship boards and dealing with people going through the same sort of (sounding) things they tend to be indicative of some pretty serious negative undercurrents in an marriage. Tucker needs some better advice than he seems to be getting. These things tend to go from grey to black and white pretty quickly. I endorse this post. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j4lackey Posted April 21, 2007 Share Posted April 21, 2007 I wasn't being humorous in the least. still, sad that anyone would see that as intolerant. Is truth really such a bad thing? As has been pointed out from the word go in this thread, it's pretty unlikely the mrs. would be supportive of the relationship, and it certainly comes off in writing as an emotional affair. Having spent quite a fair amount of time on relationship boards and dealing with people going through the same sort of (sounding) things they tend to be indicative of some pretty serious negative undercurrents in an marriage. Tucker needs some better advice than he seems to be getting. These things tend to go from grey to black and white pretty quickly.I thought the advice he was getting was appropriately cautionary. And you have some good points here. But truth doesn't always have to be a hammer. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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