For Those We Have Lost

[stooka]

Considering the recent tragedies, I thought it would be nice to provide a thread where we could honor those we have lost.

 

My oldest brother, Clay lost a long battle with alcohol/substance abuse back in 1979. He was artistic and popular. Seemed to always get along with everybody, with the exception of my father. He passed out the Christmas presents each year and even invented the Relative of the Year award. A clever poet and skillful sketch artist, he could also just as easily amaze you with a basketball or beat your ass at ping-pong.

 

Still missing you, Clayboy!

 

1950-1979

[kidsmoke]

This thread is such a great idea, Jay.

 

Your brother sounds like he was a wonderful, true original. Thanks for sharing him with us. I, too, lost a beloved brother not so long ago. Maybe I can find a nice picture to post. The missing never stops, but the pain fades, fortunately.

[pillowy star]

I'm going to my parents in a minute and might find a picture too which I can post.

 

Jay, thanks for your messages, and also for this thread.

[Sir Stewart]

Thanks for this thread.

Seven years ago today I came home to find my best friend lying dead in his bed with a plastic bag covering his head. He fought addiction for years but for much of our adult(ish) lives he was clean and sober. Our final twelve months together were all about partying and having a good time. I was younger than he was, and my older brother, also his friend, understood much better than me the consequences that could come from Robert falling off the wagon. I thought my brother was being a prude. I was wrong. But still, there's not much in this world that I trade for the times Robert and I shared from the fall of 1999 through spring of 2001. And I still miss him everyday. I miss his wit, his passion, his unabashed enjoyment of day-to-day life. A thick chunk of my self left with him and I'll never have it back. I've struggled to honor him in many ways over the years, in my writing, in my painting, in my trying to live my life like he wanted to live his but never could - and it's a constant frustration that I hope to overcome someday, somehow. I never can manage to express, in any way, how importmant he is to me.

I love and miss him like Mike Watt loves and misses D. Boon. Robert also got me into Wilco, and he's the reason I came here. So thanks Roberto, for VC. On the typewriter ribbon, the shadow grows.

No pics, but here's a watercolor I painted of him a year after he slipped away.

 

Robert Morris Mattulina - February 18, 1971 - May 1, 2001

[yermom]

My brother, James, died two years ago today. I have never felt so helpless and lost as I did the day I was out shopping and got a call on my cell from another brother asking, "Has Mom called you? You know about James?" He died alone in an early morning car accident and was pinned in the vehicle for some time before a passing driver discovered his body. He loved cars and worked (and played) as a mechanic. When I was a teen, he repaired and painted (pinstripes and all) a little Dodge Colt and gave it to me for my first car. I hadn't asked or anything, he just did it because that's the kind of guy he was. I miss him so much. Every time I see a young guy in one of those mechanics' uniforms with the name patch on the chest, I think of him. When I see someone wearing that uniform and they have the same red hair and freckled arms as James, I can't help but stare, and I just want to reach out and hug them.

 

I miss him every day. I still nearly reach for the phone to call him sometimes, to tell him about some sweet ride I saw on the street or ask him for some car advice. I wish I'd had more time with James, but I know that having had him so briefly is better than if I'd never had him in my life at all.

 

James 1978-2006

The baby is me.

[gogo]

James 1978-2006

The baby is me.

What a beautiful picture. I'm so sorry for your loss.

 

Thanks to everyone for sharing your stories with us.

[poppydawn]

Peter and Loretta, much love to both of you today.

 

And to everyone posting in this thread, too.

[jenbobblehead]

I lost my stepbrother on easter weekend of 2002, right after I found him. He was a bit of an eccentric and he and my stepfather were estranged for some time, and it was only in David's last two years did we all come together as a family. He came to visit the year before, and we spent the day together, just talking. He met all my friends, and my dog and everyone he came in contact with felt an immediate kinship.

 

Sometimes I get mad at my parents (silently of course) for not making things right with David long before then, so I could have had an older brother for longer--for some of my childhood and most of my adulthood.

 

Can't undo the past though, right? He was a great (albeit crazy) guy and I wish I had more time with him. I don't have any pictures of him. Somewhere, in my stuff, tucked away in a safe place is a picture of the ostrich, with "love, David" on the back.

[blindgonzo]

My Grandma died October 20th of last year. I miss her all the time and I've been thinking about her a lot recently because my birthday is coming up and I don't think she had ever missed a celebration in all of my 20 years.

 

The thing about my grandma was that she would always tell you exactly what she thought, no matter what. This was amusing, for the most part, unless you were the one she was disagreeing with. But she always did everything out of love. She lived with us for most of my childhood and my siblings and I probably dragged her to the park 1000 times and made her watch Dark Crystal over and over again. She loved us so much and always did small little things for us. She never had a lot of money, but she is probably the most generous person I have ever met.

 

One memory that always makes me chuckle is "The Great Christmas Tree Incident of 2003", where after opening the gifts on christmas morning, the tree fell on grandma! She was fine, not a scratch on her, and my entire family couldn't stop laughing!

 

to grandma, and to everyone who's lost someone

[Twisted Acres]

God bless the memory of everyone mentioned here, and bless those who miss them. Help us to learn to live with the pain caused by the void, and perhaps help it ease a bit. Let the memories and laughs and joy that come with thinking of and talking of those we miss appear as often as they can. Help us to live, to really really live, to live for them, and to live for us, knowing that we'll be back together real soon on a day so great that we are not meant to comprehend it.

 

Not to bring God into it (and hopefully not to offend anyone), but for me, it's the faith that God will bring us together with those we dearly miss that helps me push through life.

[tongue-tied lightning]

hope of healing for all of us

 

losing my parents, mom 3 years ago, and dad 4

my moms sister who was pretty much my second mother, passed 20 years ago, but my

memory of her is never fading.

 

i'm hoping yer right Marty, i'm hoping, and praying for it

[MattZ]

My work buddy Mike was the kind of guy I knew I'd be hanging out with, or laughing on a couch watching movies with, if we'd met at a different time in our lives. If, say, we'd met in college, instead of when we were both in our 30s trying to hold down jobs and raise families. So our relationship was basically limited to 5 min chats in the hallway or jokes over coffee in the pantry. Or a quick beer after work.

 

Mike announced in June of last year that he had been diagnosed with cancer and that he'd be going through chemo and radiation. The prognosis wasn't good and the doctors said he'd have 6 months to live. 6 months to squeeze in everything he could with his wife, his 3 year old daughter, and 1 year old son.

 

Mike taught me what strength is. And what love is. That guy came to work every single day. Said it kept life normal for him. He sat at his computer as he got sicker. As he went bald. As he wore a back brace because the pain from the treatment was so intense. He never once complained. He never once felt sorry for himself. He never wanted a handout. He insisted that he would beat it. He always talked about how things should turn around after the next treatment. I believed him.

 

Sometime in November he told me that he'd need to take a couple of weeks off to get some more treatment and some physical therapy. But that he'd be back and better than ever once he was done with his physical therapy. I never saw him again.

 

He died almost exactly 6 months after the doctors gave him 6 months to live. I can't say that we grew up together, or that he was my best friend. Far from it. He was just a really good fucking guy that I clicked with and I wish I knew better. And he and his family and this world were robbed of the kind of person that makes this world a better place. And it's bullshit. I am tired of reading about the people in this world that tear it down. He was a guy on which buildings could be built.

 

I miss him. I have his business card in my drawer. I carry his memory and his strength with me. I carry the self-imposed burden of trying to make this world a better place x2 because I think it honors his memory.

 

Fuck cancer.

[M. (hristine]

And fuck addiction.

 

I have told the story of my sister and her battle with alcoholism many times on this board, so I won't belabor. The difficult thing about loving unrecovered addicts is that before their life has ended, there is a period of time where they are no longer the people you once loved, but "hungry ghosts". The way I reconcile those memories is by finding their counterpart in these:

 

 

 

I love you my sister, and miss you every fucking day.

[NightOfJoy]

My brother in law hung himself late last year. He emailed a coworker before he did it, stating something about work problems being too great to deal with. He left behind a lot of very confused people (over 2000 people came to the wake) and handed his 3 teenage daughters a big shit sandwich. I'm still pissed off at his selfishness.

 

(In retrospect, not much of a tribute....sorry about that)

[pillowy star]

My Grandparents died on December 17th and 18th, 1994. My Grandmother outlived her husband of 56 years only for about 30 hours. We had a double funeral 3 days before Christmas. As much as it hurt, I still think it was the best thing to happen for both of them, as they weren't able to cope without one another.

 

I can honestly say that it was mostly them who brought me up, and taught me what is right and what is wrong. I am still trying to follow their example.

 

RIP Gertrud and Vinzenz Hoffstaette.

[bjorn_skurj]

My brother in law hung himself late last year. He emailed a coworker before he did it, stating something about work problems being too great to deal with. He left behind a lot of very confused people (over 2000 people came to the wake) and handed his 3 teenage daughters a big shit sandwich. I'm still pissed off at his selfishness.

 

(In retrospect, not much of a tribute....sorry about that)

That's the thing about depression - the whole world can love you, but in your own private head, you are awful and deserve a self-inflicted death penalty.

 

Hugs and warm wishes to everyone who's posted so far. I have been fortunate, so far, to not have lost anyone really close to me. (Knock on wood.)

[poppydawn]

That's the thing about depression - the whole world can love you, but in your own private head, you are awful and deserve a self-inflicted death penalty.

 

That's the god's-honest truth. Be it a blatant suicide, or a slow one through addiction.

[gogo]

We were very lucky to have our grandparents with us for so long:

 

 

 

Dan McCormick 1908-1999

 

Marge McCormick 1916-2008