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Take your Favourite Artists


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Go grab your top 10 or 15 artists and say something negative about them:

 

1. The Broken Family Band

 

Enough with the sarcasm. We get it

 

2. You Am I

 

Three words: Haircuts all around.

 

3. Deadly Snakes

 

So you broke up. How special. Get over whatever the personal issues were and re-form.

 

4. Reigning Sound

 

Umm, a forth record would be nice.

 

5. New Pornographers

 

So one of you sounds like Burt Bacharach, the other like Bowie, and the other like Patsy Cline. How can you agree on anything?

 

6. Magnolia Electric Company

 

One good album, one Molina solo dirge, another good album, another Molina solo dirge.

 

At least you are predictable.

 

7. M. Ward

 

Dear Matt. You are an excellent guitarist. Here's a thought - maybe you should play more guitar on your albums.

 

8. The National

 

Sameyness is not a virtue

 

9. Weakerthans

 

Fucking Winnipeg. The city is next to dead. Move to someplace warm.

 

10. Rock Plaza Central

 

Could you please become, umm, a little less, yknow, weird.

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Will Oldham: Your head is huge and strange. (But I actually think it's an awesome head...)

 

Eef Barzelay: Enough with the rhyming couplets, already.

 

Wilco: You guys don't do nearly enough shirtless photo shoots.

 

Stephen Malkmus: ....couldn't come up with anything bad...he's too much teh awesome.

 

Looks like I suck at dissing. I'm not even going to try to have a go at Andrew Bird or any of my other rock star boyfriends. I'm a Miss Nicey Pants. :blush

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Monet - dude what's with all the swirlies

 

Manet - why is your name so much like monet, wtf

 

Rimbaud - you let that pussy Verlaine shoot you WTF??

 

Khayyam - dude you were a wicked good mathematician but only counted to four in poems wtf

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Wilco- Sky Blue Sky was a major letdown

 

Death Cab For Cutie- Why do you always have at least 1-2 songs on your albums that are just plain boring?

 

Ben Folds- you are getting worse with age.

 

Sufjan Stevens- cut down on the game showiness of some of your songs.

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The Tragically Hip- sorry, but you bore the crap out of me these days, and Bob Rock is producing your new album AGAIN?

 

Bob Dylan- What the fuck are you talking about?

 

James- ever heard of North America? Sometimes people play concerts there too!

 

.....I better stop now. It's Friday, I am in a good mood, and all these are like a little knife in my heart already.

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Jason Molina - sometimes I find the songs on your terrific solo albums sound all a little a like.

Will Oldham - why do you have to ruin a good song by singing about fucking a mountain?

Wilco - plays in the states (specifically Chicago) way too much.

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Son Volt

- Remember that time Trace was better than AM and we all thought you were the future? Then Wilco kicked your ass for the next decade? You must really hate that.

 

ouch.

 

Still, Wilco has never recorded a song as good or as timeless as "Windfall" or "Tear-Stained Eye"

(nor has Son Volt, post-Trace)

 

 

(EDIT: And, of course I say this with a ton of love for Wilco.)

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Drag the River - I like that you guys have such variety in your songwriting. Like, some of the songs are about drinking beer, and some are about drinking whiskey. There's even one about drinking while taking pills!!

 

Ramones - Nice wig, Marky.

 

Hop on Pop - I like ELO too, but you don't see me forming a tribute band.

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Hop on Pop - I like ELO too, but you don't see me forming a tribute band.

 

You really like me?!?!

thumb-SallyFieldOscar.jpg

 

EDIT: And, really, I'm more of a Move guy than ELO, but you're in the ballpark.

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Bruce Springsteen needs to pony up the cash and fix his underbite

 

Neil Young should have laid off the drugs in the 70's...he's officially fried. Plus...get a hair cut hippy

 

Alejandro Escovedo...ok we get it. You're Alt Country, Folk AND Punk. "I wanna be your dog" with strings...cute. Now go write some more great fucking songs.

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Hey J. Mascis:

You really DO need the other guys!!!

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I'm gonna go all sorts of old school here.

 

Pink Floyd - You guys never did better without Syd.

 

Frank Zappa - Too many poo-poo jokes, Uncle Frankie.

 

Grateful Dead - Sorry, but most of your studio albums aren't that great.

 

Joni Mitchell - Say, did you notice that your first two albums sound just like Joan Baez?

 

Hendrix - Can you say "undignified death?"

 

Warren Zevon - Dude, I read your bio, and you really were a misogynist.

 

Dylan - Hey, Bob, ever notice how everybody else sings your stuff better than you do?

 

Not a favorite, but I can't resist this last one:

 

Son Volt - You mean "Windfall" and "Tear Stained Eye" are actually two completely different songs?!

 

Now, this is really just for fun, and I'm not going to start a big firestorm like in my comments on rap, right?

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Wilco: You guys don't do nearly enough shirtless photo shoots.

:lol

 

 

Old 97's: Instead of putting out one album every couple of years that is maybe half-full of good songs, put out a really amazing album every 4 years.

Also, that live concert video you did at the Troubador in LA a few years back - it has a ton of close-up shots of Rhett. I was at that show and there wasn't a camera close enough to get those shots. Upon close inspection of the footage it's pretty clear that you re-filmed Rhett after the show to get that angle.

 

Cheesy.

 

(Great show, though!)

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