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Yes Mr. Obama, I do believe I see some lice.

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“Hello Emperor it is my hono…awww hells no, shit. Do you see that chick over there? No no no, not my wife, the blonde – yeah, her. Wait Jesus Christ, don’t stare. Anyways, fuck – look, I slept with her a few times in college and never returned her calls. She was cool, but outside of the sack we had very little in common – plus, she was a bit of a stalker and worse, a Republican so, yeah. Is she looking this way? No, ok, cool, alright so if you don’t mind, I’m just going to bow down in a protective turtle like crouch here a little longer.”

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There's a tiny door in the oval office. It's a portal and it takes you inside Joe Biden's head. You see the world through Joe Biden's eyes... and then after about 15 minutes, you're spit out... into a ditch on the side of the Delaware Amtrak Station. This is a very odd thing. Is Biden Biden? I had a fake foot in my hand. I don't have it any more. Where is it? Did it disappear? How could that be? Is it still in Biden's head? I don't know! Do you see what a metaphysical can of worms this portal is? I don't see how I could go on living my life the way I've lived it before.

 

"Who the f$&* is Joe Biden?!"

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"It's not so much about courtesy, it's the currency we need your help with."

 

"Jesus, look at the fucking dust on this floor."

 

"Michelle wasn't kidding, you really do suck at thumb wrestling."

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