Scalzunfield Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 If any of you have any (logical) advice on the above question, I'd love the help. First, some background:I made a really quick decision to move from southern Indiana back to the NW burbs of Chicago. I'm 24 (with a college degree) and took back my old high school PT job in order to make the move possible. I decided to move in with a friend who was looking to get out of her parents house at the same time. We'd been best friends for a really long time (never dated) and being of the opposite sex never got in the way until... I got a girlfriend that wasn't her. This happened only a couple weeks after moving in together (I wasn't planning it: I wasn't even looking). From the very beginning, not only was my roommate cold, she was downright rude. The silent treatment (daily), dirty looks, and even attempting to turn other friends against me has been used. Also, she now seems to be anywhere but home on a regular basis (which wouldn't be awful if it weren't so hard to talk to her this way). The deal with the silent treatment is that when the girlfriend is around, neither of us are worth a word, but when it's just me and the roomie, everything's perfectly kosher. Great, huh? I'm fairly certain it's entirely jealousy because she can't find a boyfriend to save her life. Hell, she's told me about setting up dates with guys at work and she's been stood up about 4 times. What I can't figure out is whether she's jealous of me or jealous of my girlfriend. Now, this doesn't even scratch the "cleanliness" surface of the problem. I'm the only person who takes out the trash, empties the dishwasher, or loads the dishwasher. Occasionally she gets the hankering to do her own pots and pans, but as I said, it's only occasional. Also, I've figured out she's been stealing sodas from me which wouldn't be a big deal except for she's financially much better than me right now and I'm on a very fixed budget (let's just say the job hunt has been less than kind). So, this has been going on for 8 months (the relationship and the living conditions). There are 4 months left on the lease, but my girlfriend and I are moving in together at the start of June. I haven't broken the news to the roomie yet because I haven't seen her in 2 weeks (a combination of me being out of state and her being out of state) but I'm not really sure how to go about it. From living with her, I now know she's a very negative person and can be very, very difficult to get along with if you aren't doing things her way. It's become pretty unbearable and I feel like I've already lost a friend. Any suggestions on how to accomplish this or what I should do would be appreciated. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sir Stewart Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Like ripping off a band aid, gotta just do it. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Scrub the toilette with her toothbrush. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mountain bed Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 You know, I love Madison. Move back down there and we will visit you! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MrRain422 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I don't know how to deal with the cleaning issue, but as for the jealousy, I have a recommendation. I believe it's spelled menage a trois? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Winston Legthigh Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 "I'm moving out" + "You've been an asshole" = Freedom, sweet freedom. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ponch1028 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I, in no way, shape, or form am condoning what your roommate has said, done, or conducted themselves, but have you considered the possibility that your roommate is struggling with depression or some other form of emotional distress, imbalance, or something to that degree? She very well may be a negative person ... but she could also be someone who is depressed and demonstrating symptoms of her emotional instability (withdrawing, petty stealing, lack of regard for responsibilities). She could also be a negative person who is also depressed. I do not wish to over-analyze her motivations and mental health, but are there other factors involved which may lead you to either consider this possibility or completely dismiss it? Based on the amount of information you provide, my gut reaction is that she's obviously immature, especially in the ways of independent living. You do not give her age, but I assume she's close to your own. If in fact she is around 24 and this is the first time she's moved out of her parents' home, she is obviously behind many of her peers when it comes to the responsibilities and mental discipline it takes to live independently from someone else. She didn't really have much of a transition time between moving out of her parents and in with you before the girlfiend surfaced. While she may or may not have envisioned some romantic possibilities with you in the future, she probably was excited about sharing this new step into adulthood with you as her support and partner, which lasted about a couple of weeks. You yourself admit that you are also not worth a word when the two of them are around, so she may be misinterpreting your own behavior and communication toward her, which in turn provokes a negative response from her. The challenge here is that all of the above may be true, and that she's also clinically depressed or chemically imbalanced ... who is to know for sure? Certainly not me, but perhaps given these points, you might be able to expand more on her mental and emotional make-up, along with her upbringing in regards to independence, responsibility, and accountability. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Tenderloin Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 My only guess is that she is, and has always been in love with you. Maybe she didn't know it until you decided to move in with her, but she digs you, man. She was obviously hoping to turn your friendship into something more, and you broke her heart by finding true love outside of the nest. I don't know if I'd clean the toilet with her toothbrush, but I'd be damn sure to find a nice hiding place for yours. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mr. Kinsley Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I don't know if I'd clean the toilet with her toothbrush, but I'd be damn sure to find a nice hiding place for yours. Also, have you straight up asked her what the deal is? "Hey, it's obvious that something is going on here because I'm noticing [bunch of examples]. What gives? Because I've had it with this and we need to fix this or one of us needs to leave." THEN you have the menage a trois. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
myboyblue Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Feasible that maybe she's just annoyed that your girlfriend is always around? Like a 3rd roomate? Asking her is pretty good idea as well. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 My only guess is that she is, and has always been in love with you. Maybe she didn't know it until you decided to move in with her, but she digs you, man. She was obviously hoping to turn your friendship into something more, and you broke her heart by finding true love outside of the nest. I don't know if I'd clean the toilet with her toothbrush, but I'd be damn sure to find a nice hiding place for yours. You don't have a bunny do you? Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I don't know if I'd clean the toilet with her toothbrush, but I'd be damn sure to find a nice hiding place for yours. You can be damn sure his has already done double duty. It's payback time. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
markosis Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 have you considered the possibility that your roommate is struggling with...some other form of emotional distress, imbalance, or something to that degree? Yes. Its called being a stupid asshole. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Scalzunfield Posted April 22, 2008 Author Share Posted April 22, 2008 Feasible that maybe she's just annoyed that your girlfriend is always around? Like a 3rd roomate? Asking her is pretty good idea as well. Thanks for all the responses. It's not an easy conversation to have as I try to avoid confrontation if at all possible and she's the kind of person who gets very offended if you ask a question where she can construe it to mean that you're putting her 100% at fault for it. My girlfriend actually has not been like a 3rd roommate. The girlfriend lives at home with her parents and I actually end up over there about 5 of the 7 nights a week until the late hours. This is due mostly to the fact that when we started dating and she'd come over and say "hey" to the roommate, who would respond with either nothing or a very terse/un-friendly "hi." She could be depressed I suppose. But she's also the kind of person who refuses to open up to me emotionally anymore. She's slightly overweight, hasn't had a boyfriend in over 2 years (he dumped her because she "just wasn't fun anymore") and the only person she goes out with is her best friend who is in the same exact boat as her (and has a kid). Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Muncle Douchey Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 you just cannot be afraid to talk to people - no matter how nutty they might respond or how nervous you are. if you can't talk to her, then what's the point? just move out. relationships dissolve. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
VenusStopsTrain2 Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 You don't necassarily need to be direct..about the fact that you are moving in with your g/f...but when you do see roommate on your own...then maybe you could start asking her about what she hopes to do when the lease is up? If she's thought about moving into a single apartment or with another friend? Try to get the ball rolling so that you don't strike her at once with the news maybe? You could also make comemnts like...i've been thinking of moving elsewhere for ..a. b. and c. reasons..such as you want a smaller place...or you need somewhere closer to work, or you are trying to save more money and the current place is not helping you save. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stooka Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 Talk to this girl and find out what the real deal is. These assumptions are unfair. You can keep guessing all you want, but kindly talking to her is the best option. If she flips out, then your decision to move out will be the next logical step. Good Luck! (Oh, and don't forget your lease responsibility if you move out before it's up) Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OOO Posted April 22, 2008 Share Posted April 22, 2008 I live in the northwest burbs and im single so I'll take a hit for you and start dating her so she cheers up. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
markosis Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 You know, my brother lives in the Logan Square area. He's pretty lonely, too. If you want, we could hook up this whack job with my bro so he can get some action. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 I live in the northwest burbs and im single so I'll take a hit for you and start dating her so she cheers up. You know, my brother lives in the Logan Square area. He's pretty lonely, too. If you want, we could hook up this whack job with my bro so he can get some action. "we told you to jump on the grenade, not marry her" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
benjamin Posted April 23, 2008 Share Posted April 23, 2008 You know, my brother lives in the Logan Square area. He's pretty lonely, too. If you want, we could hook up this whack job with my bro so he can get some action. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tugmoose Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 Here's your problem: topic line should read "How do you dispose of your roommate's body?" Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bobbob1313 Posted April 24, 2008 Share Posted April 24, 2008 To answer the question in the topic: I don't know, ask my roommate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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