Reni Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 As a lot of you RTT citizens know - my ex husband / Emily's father had been missing for a week, and his body was discovered today. He died of an accidental drug overdose. As some of you also know, he spent most of his life battling the demons of drug and alcohol addiction as well as mental illness. He caused a lot of destruction in his wake. However, when he was clean and healthy, he was a wonderful person who loved Tai Chi, books, Japanese art, urban cycling, Kung Fu movies, gardening and animals. Most of all he loved Emily and we loved him. He had so much pain and no matter how hard we tried to help him, he never could help himself. And now, he is gone. We were with his family this evening. They are all in Chicago. Over the next few days we will plan his funeral service and I am planning on going to the crematorium with his mother for that part of the process. I want to. I need to. I am distraught that I will not be able to see him to say goodbye, so I hope in being there for that, in some way I can find some peace. We will be cleaning out his apartment on Thursday. While we had our problems, some of them very serious, he was a my friend and I cared for and loved him a lot. We met when I was 17 years old. All I ever wanted for him was to be healthy. I wanted to thank you all for being with me this afternoon in the RTT and on various chat programs as I sat with this information, waiting for Graham to get home, so we could be together to tell Emily. Having VC here was a Godsend. I couldn't talk to anyone on the phone. I couldn't move. But, I could get on my computer in my chair. So, thank you. And thank you for all the kind notes, prayers and vibes you have sent. They mean SO MUCH. Hug the people you love. Right now. Peace. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Twisted Acres Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 O my God, Kate... my prayers are with you, Em, Graham, and your family. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
mountain bed Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Kate, I'm so very very sorry. I really don't know what to say exactly, except that you are well loved by this community. The love of your life will help you through this. And don't worry too much about Emily (my mother's name, btw). Just love her with all your heart - she'll be OK. Trust me on this - I thought I was gonna raise a gang of social revolutionaries but it didn't quite turn out that way. But they're good kids, and so is yours, I'm sure. Peace be with you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
oceanman Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Hugs from St. Louis. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
insideoutoflove Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 wow, i am so sorry kate...my thoughts are with you and your loved ones Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Reni Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 Emily has his Gretsch bass guitar in her room - his mom gave it to her tonight, they took it from his apartment. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
deepseacatfish Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Emily has his Gretsch bass guitar in her room - his mom gave it to her tonight, they took it from his apartment.I have a tea-pot of my grandmothers sitting on the stove that reminds me of her every day. Sometimes its little things that can hold the most of someone for you. There's really nothing that can be said to ease this at all, but we're all behind you and here to support you. Emily will do fine, she's got wonderful and caring people supporting her. Just give yourself whatever time and space you need alone or with the ones you love. That's all you can do. My thoughts are with you. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sandoz Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Kate I am so sorry for your loss. I am thinking of you and your family. May the good memories never leave you Quote Link to post Share on other sites
tugmoose Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 So sorry. Prayers coming from Cleveland for your and his family. And hugs. Peace. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Reni Posted April 30, 2008 Author Share Posted April 30, 2008 before I try to go to bed, I had to share this. I just went in to check on Emily and give her kisses. The dog (Kerry) followed me in there. When I tried to get him out of the room when I was leaving, he would not budge from the side of Emily's bed. I walked away and he was literally sitting next to her bed, watching her. I looked at him from the door and he turned and looked at me with a very concerned sad look in his eyes and he is now camped out at the side of her bed. bless. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
pillowy star Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 God Kate, I am so very sorry for Emily's loss. Seems our two daughters are in a similar situation, i.e. my Ex has also always been struggling with alcohol (which made me leave him in the end, although I loved him dearly, and he is just like your Ex a nice person otherwise), and my fears of Tara losing her Dad to this addiction didn't quite get better with my brother's dead and now Em's Dad's I know that you 3 will make it through, because you are amongst the most loving & caring people I ever had the luck to meet. Stay strong, and be there for Emily. I know you will. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest Muncle Douchey Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 i'm very sorry for your loss. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
stooka Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Prayers go out to you and your family. Love and vibes from Texas! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
M. (hristine Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 The specter of addiction is my close companion. Loving an addict is the most complex of emotions. As hard as one tries to make sense of it, it remains an uncomfortable paradox. Blessings to you Kate, and especially Emily, for peace and equinimity. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
myboyblue Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I'm very sorry for your family Kate. Take care of your daughter. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Analogman Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Sorry to hear that - Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j4lackey Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Vibes to you and Emily, Kate. I'm glad she has his bass. And the part about your dog really choked me up. Very touching. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
MrRain422 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 Stay strong, Kate. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
embiggen Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 blessings and peace for you and your family Kate, especially Emily. how very sweet of your dog to watch over her. animals know! Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Mrs. Peel Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I'm so sorry for your loss, Kate. Animals do know when something is affecting their loved ones; I'm glad Em has Kerry to lean on for comfort. Sometimes a pet can be a child's closest confidant. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EL the Famous Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 oh man. kate, i'm so sorry. you know that you, Em and Graham are in our prayers. should you need anything, please let us know. god bless. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ponch1028 Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I am very sorry for you and Emily and your entire family, both yours and his. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ikol Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I'm so sorry for your loss. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sunken mountain Posted April 30, 2008 Share Posted April 30, 2008 I Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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