Spawn's dad Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 For quite some time now my mother has suffered from emphysema and a host of other physicalailments brought on by a lifetime of heavy smoking. And while she stopped many years ago, thedamage was far done already. Amongst the myriad problems wracking her body at this point are thather kidneys ceased functioning due to one of the steroids that helped her to breathe. Unable to continuewith this steroid her breathing is extremely labored, and as a result of her kidneys shutting down and thelack of oxygen she's grown difficult to understand and slips in and out of lucidity. She's fallen several times over the past week. She's been adamant about not going to the hospital despite my best efforts toconvince her that that is the necessary course of action. And while on the outside looking in it may seemobvious that it would be the best, one would need to consider that emotional damage of taking away onesfreedom to choose for themselves. To take away the dignity of dying in their own homes. On some levelto take away that choice feels like a cowardice; it seems to seek to alleviate the discomfort of those makingthe choice. Clearly to upset her would be worse. One just needs to hear her breathing grow panicked and more laboredin the very conversation. Yesterday she spent about 8 hours in an armchair in her bedroom. She slipped in and outof sleep. In and out of lucidity. Eventually it became clear she had soiled herself. After two hours of insisting she couldtake care of herself she had to relent and allow me to help clean her. A couple of calls to her doctor and he agreed that it was best to convince her to go, but it needed to be her choice. Anything else would be counterproductive. In the end our sense self sufficiency and perceptions of freedom are illusions. If we need anything in life its humility. To both give care, and to be able to receive. If we can't receive the gift of kindness from another we not only hurt ourselves,but we deny them an opportunity to give from a heart imbued with generosity. The heart which when cultivated grows and teaches others. That, and the ability to impart care with compassion. To put another at ease with simple presence. She had me start to pack a bag for the hospital last night. I got up at four after a few hours of sleep to train. Four hours on the trainer. There's a solacein the routine. Nearing an age where my father developed life ending cancer I'm in the best shape of my life. It's interesting to balance the suchness of all that. Today is another day. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
j4lackey Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Our thoughts are with you, Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
M. (hristine Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Much love to you and your family, Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Spawn's dad Posted February 12, 2008 Author Share Posted February 12, 2008 She died. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jenbobblehead Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I am so sorry Gary. Hugs to you and N. xoxojen Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Analogman Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 She died. You give me a call if you need someone to talk to. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
caliber66 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Very sorry for your loss, Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
JUDE Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 You have my sympathies, Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
PigSooie Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 hang in there, Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
andshewas Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I can't imagine losing anyone, much less my mother, like how you lost yours. It's probably hard to find solace in the fact that she's gone, but her pain is over--which, I bet, she'd been waiting for for a long time. I hope her memory will help you cope. My sympathies... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
plasticeyeball Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Thoughts and prayers to you and your son. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Sweet Papa Crimbo Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 She died. Words can only offer so much comfort, but they are all I/we have. Even though I only know you from a message board for a band that I have fondness for, I feel the deepest sympathy possible for your loss. Death is never a relief. Try to remember the good times. My condolences to you and your family. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Lammycat Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 My condolences, Gary. Peaceful thoughts to you and your family. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Good Old Neon Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Oh shit Quote Link to post Share on other sites
ikol Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 My condolences, Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
jimmyjimmy Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 My heartfelt condolences also. Take care. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Twisted Acres Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 My prayers are with your family and your mom's spirit, Gary... Quote Link to post Share on other sites
EL the Famous Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 gary, my thoughts and prayers go to you. i'm so sorry. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
embiggen Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 sympathy and prayers to you and your son Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Guest David Puddy Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 sorry for your loss, gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
RaspberryJam Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 So sorry. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
OOO Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 I am and will be thinking of you today, Gary. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
poppydawn Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Sending my thoughts and love to you and your family, Gary. I'm so sorry. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
Wilco Worshipper Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 My prayers, sympathies and thoughts are with you and your son. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
bobbob1313 Posted February 12, 2008 Share Posted February 12, 2008 Jesus, Gary. I'm sorry. I'll definitely have you and yours in my thoughts today. Quote Link to post Share on other sites
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